Marriage Column ~ January 27, 2010
Self-sufficient in the Lord
Angie: Since the husband's role is to provide, what do
we do in these economic times when he has not been able to find a job?
Not being able to provide puts him in a precarious position and tensions
rise. We are living in my mother's basement and not being in our own
home is hard on him. We argue often and moments of harmony and peace are
short lived. We also have three kids to think about - the last being 11
months old and this is another added stress. I pray. I read. What more?
What do you suggest?
Guidance: I want you and your husband to take your
time reading this different perspective and suggestions on making a
living for yourselves. I know how upsetting, disappointing and
frustrating it might be for you right now, but lets look at the positive
aspects of your situation. First off, your family is blessed with the
ability to live temporarily in your MIL’s basement, until you get your
livelihood back up.
will come to see that there are different perspectives to how Christians
manage their finances. Not to offend anyone but a lot of people think
inside this tiny square, afraid to come out and explore new ideas. They
are only focused on one aspect of money-making, such as “getting a
job” that they don’t see any other means of livelihood expect for
what they have been brought up to believe.
step out of the square for a moment. Please take your time reading this
new perspective on managing your livelihood and click on all of the
links that lead to another article that puts this subject in more
detail. I promise you will
not get your feet wet.
is really important to you? Is not our relationship with God important?
I think that when we focus on our treasures
in heaven first, God will bless us with everything we need.
have to take a look at what relying on a “job” has done for millions
of people in this country? They have lost their homes, been laid off, or
fired from their jobs that they relied on for their livelihood. The
attitude that they have only one skill or no skills and must rely on
“getting a job” is thinking only inside the square.
first suggestion and most important one is keep your faith and your
focus always on the LORD. We can pray to God for money or a job to
mysteriously come our way, but God is not going to grant you this wish.
Instead, pray for God to reveal to you the craftsmanship He has blessed
I have filled him with the Spirit of God, with
skill, ability, and all kinds of craft—to make artistic
designs for work in gold, silver, and bronze, to cut and set stones, to
work in wood designs to engage in all kinds of craftsmanship.” Exodus
yourselves in each other’s shoes and give each other encouragement in
your roles in the marriage even if money is tight and the husband is out
of work. Use your Christian spirit to be considerate of each other and
stop bickering over money and the stressful situation. Help your mother
in law out around the home when you can so she will not feel resentful
or taken advantage of.
believer must seek to avoid debt as much as possible. In this world
there is only one certainty and that is God and His truths. So when we
feel uncertain and ridden with anxiety about our financial situation we
can take confidence that our life, no matter how much or how little
money we have, is on solid ground. That’s what matters. Read this
article on “how
to find bargains and stop using credit cards”
what has happened to millions of people who have relied on loans and
employers to eke out a living? They lost their homes, jobs, and owe
thousands to creditors and many of them now can’t find work. How can a
man be happy with this going on in his life? The statistics are that
40,000,000 people are living on foods stamps and 30% of the country is
living in the poverty level.
Children Do Not Have To Be a Part of This Financial Woe
can we stop focusing on the negative money woes in our lives and start
focusing and relying on God for our sustenance? One way is to develop
your God-given talents and become more self-sufficient in the Lord.
Christians should never rely
on one avenue for prosperity, such as “getting a job” and being a
wage slave and a slave
to the lender.
rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender.
avenues for prosperity are infinite!! Christians must rely on God and
not be in fear of lack. Pray that God reveal to you your calling and
God-given talents and abilities. Write down on paper all the ways in
which you can serve your family best. Include the subjects of
“needs” such as food, clothing,
shelter, transportation, utilities, loans, etc.
example on the subject of food, write down all the ways you can save
on your groceries and then prepare a weekly nutritious menu for your
family. I know that using coupons and buying foods in bulk can certainly
save literally hundreds and hundreds of dollars in monthly groceries.
Learning to cook with more grains, beans, and lentils also will save
substantially when feeding your family. Plus it is healthier than eating
red meat every night for dinner.
will use my family as an example of how a family can save on groceries
my family we never use coupons because they are mostly for prepared type
foods, which I never cook. We do scan the weekly ads and find what is on
sale and buy that if it is something we use. Everything we cook is from
scratch, which also is a big savings. Prepared foods/frozen meals cost
about 90% more than buying whole/fresh, not only that but whole foods
are much more nutritious. If something is on sale that we do use, such
as olive oil, we stock up on it while it is on sale.
Use of Your Local Farmers and Growers in Your Community
is one of the staples in our home as is brown rice, beans, whole grain
pasta, lentils and millet. We start out with buying a bushel (60 lbs) of
organic wheat berries for $10 from our next-door neighbor who farms
organic wheat. I then grind the wheat berries myself with my electric
mill and make whole-wheat flour. I’ve been doing this for 15 years. I
bake all of our own breads, pizza crusts, donuts, muffins, tortillas,
some pasta, cakes, pies, cookies, pancakes and waffles from this wheat.
60 pounds of wheat for $10 lasts almost two years for a family of
also buy soybeans from the farmers here in our area as well as locally
grown honey. We buy organic brown rice in bulk, which is a substantial
savings right there. My husband (Frank) used to have his own honeybees
and we farmed honey for several years, but our next-door neighbor became
afraid of the bees when they swarmed in the spring onto her horse farm,
and so my husband, being neighborly gave up that hobby and passion. We
now buy from a local bee farmer.
bottom line is we
save in so many wonderful ways on groceries by relying
more on farmers in our area, gardening our own vegetables in the spring
and summer and buying food items when they come on sale. Check out local
food co-ops in your area as well, I have heard that you can save quite a
bit through food co-ops.
people do not realize how industrious they can be. As a wife and mother
myself I have come to know, through the knowledge given to me through
our Lord, that being a helpmeet to our husbands is more than taking care
of the children, cleaning and cooking, although these areas are all very
important we must trust that God would want for us to serve our families
in other ways too.
do know for a
fact that even though money is tight, God
prefers that a wife and mother serve her family rather than employers.
When a wife and mother works outside the home, it upsets the balance of
the home in so many ways. Let’s take a look.
Wife Who Works is Not Under Her Husbands Protection and Covering
a wife is outside the home working she is not in her own home and under
the protection of her husband. Some of you may find this
old-fashioned but the truth is women fall under all forms of prey when
they work outside the home. Should a woman submit her talents and
abilities to another man or woman instead of her husband and family?
That doesn’t make very much sense does it?
Becomes Vulnerable to Abuse and Sexual Advances
bet more than half the women on our marriage list have come under some
kind of sexual abuse, demands abuse, or office politics. Do you think it
is right for your wife to submit herself to an abusive, demanding man or
woman? Why put your wife through such turmoil as this?
Becomes Unequally Yoked With Unbelievers
it an encouraging environment for a Christian woman to be working with
unbelievers? Should your wife allow her spiritual and emotional self to
be subjected to unbelief and rebellion? Over time would not this
atmosphere weaken her faith in the Lord? I’m not talking about mature
Christians who are strong in their faith, who serve by volunteering
their time and services to unbelievers. I’m talking about subjecting
your wife or a wife subjecting herself to a negative environment just
because you think you need the money!
Children Alone After School
mom is outside the home working then who is managing the home front and caring
for the children? No
matter what anyone says, motherhood
is the most important job!!
Tired and Drained After Working All Day
mom comes home from working all day she is tired and hungry and needy
herself, but who is going to take care of her? Because of her busy
schedule how can she care for her family properly in the ways of the
Lord. Who is going to cook hot, nutritious meals, tidy the house, and
give love and respect to the rest of the family? You get the idea right?
we do need certain things to survive and that takes money. But what
happens when we trust in God for our provisions. We come to realize what
our talents are and let our creative mind go to work and then we see
that we have more abundance and prosperity than a mere job can give us
any day! This is God’s blessings!
you know that most people don’t even realize how talented
and creative they really are? They drudgingly go to their 9 to 5
job, all the while wishing they were doing something else. Their hearts
just aren’t in their 9 to 5 jobs because they feel like wage slaves
who have nothing to show for all of their work. This reliance and
dependence on a “job” keeps them from discovering what God has
freely given them!
You Need Lots of Money and Stuff to be Happy?
mentality that you have to have so much money in your bank account, the
best house and furniture on the block, the newest car to drive and the
most expensive clothes to wear is what keeps people from God!! But the
ironic thing about it is, you can still have everything you need and
more without going into debt and working like a slave for a paycheck
he said to them, “Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of
greed: a man’s life does not consist in the abundance of his
possessions.” (Luke 12:15)
an example we are rich and blessed in wheat. LOL J
We are never in want for garden greens, sprouts, wheat, honey, baked
goods and soymilk because we rely on God’s Nature instead of the
grocery stores for these items. God provides His children with
everything they need. God knows what we need more than we know what we
do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat? Or what shall we drink? Or
what shall we wear? For the pagans (unbelievers) run after these things,
and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these
things will be given to you as well”. Matthew 6:31-33
last sentence to what Jesus said above is very imperative to our
relationship with Him… “But
seek first his kingdom and all these things will be given to you”
Do you get it? Seek God—gain knowledge and wisdom in God—trust
God—have faith in God—and be blessed because He will bless you. You
too can become industrious and thrifty but have more than most people
just because you stepped outside of the box!
you know that peasants in Europe have more than most rich people? I’m
not talking about poor people who have no food, I’m talking about the
villagers and peasants who garden, fish, hunt, etc for their
sustenance-they rely on no person or institution for their livelihood.
Not only do they have more but also they are healthier because they
aren’t eating food that has been tainted by hormones, antibiotics,
pesticides, dyes, sugars, and government sprays.
not store up treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where
thieves break in and steal. But store up treasures in heaven, where moth
and dust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.
For where your treasure is, there will be your heart also.” (Matthew
a wife and mom can serve her family best is not always in monentary ways
but with her
the woman of the home is happy and content
in the Lord
so is everyone else. This is what’s important! How can
she make everyone else happy do you think? It is because God blessed the
woman to be the center of her home through her nurturing, caring and
loving abilities. She is the key to a happy and content home front.
did not give this gift to the male but to the female. This is why
role reversal in marriage will not work in the long run. And this is
precisely how she is the helpmeet to her husband and family.
Unfortunately, most women don’t realize how important their management
of the home really is and neither does her husband and one reason why so
many women work outside the home. Consequently the spiritual and
emotional balance of the home is quite upset, even though it doesn’t
always seem apparent, because of her absence.
Worrying About What You Don’t Have and Start Using What You Do Have
we rely and depend on God for prosperity we see all the many roads that
God can literally lead us down. As long as we remain in Him and do
everything we embark on in the Lord, He will bless us!!
His avenues for prosperity and abundance are endless!
have to come out of the square and understand that our lives CAN Change
for the better when we look at our livelihood with a different
perspective. Did you know that worrying too much about when and how the
next paycheck is going to come in keep us from seeking THE avenues in
God for our sustenance? God gave us all a creative mind with the ability
to think way beyond the square we live in—we only need to make it go
to work by putting our faith and trust in Him.
remember the LORD your God, for it is he who give you the ability to
produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he sore to your
forefathers, as it is today.” (Deuteronomy 8:18)
What You Enjoy!
do you enjoy doing? What does your husband enjoy doing? What talents and
abilities has God blessed you with? Perhaps your husband can hone in on
his craft, while you guys have the blessed opportunity to live in your
MIL’s basement? Perhaps
your husband can freelance his services. Put ads out in your local
newspaper for handyman services. There are still many people who need
painting, tiling, carpentry, cleaning, landscaping, and repair work done
on their homes and businesses. They do not have the time nor inclination
to do it for themselves.
you like to sew, knit, crochet, work with wood, build crafty things,
etc. These are all special gifts that people love because they are made
from the heart. You can try to sell your craft in your local community
fairs, markets, and newspaper. Put out ads in the paper about your
special skill and have samples for people to see. Orders will surely
come in for you.
you or both of you could take a computer class in graphic design and
arts. There are so many projects such as these where online businesses
need logos, graphic arts, and photography for their web pages. There are
typing, data entry, writing, photography, video making, and other type
jobs to be found on www.elance.com
and other freelance places online. Do a google search. Do you know a
second language? Check out doing some online translating for the written
word or through audio. The skills God has blessed each of us with are
waiting to come out. Find out what yours is and come out!
has given His people the ability to be prosperous and spiritually rich
and content. God’s wisdom teaches us to be industrious and prosperous
with less than what most people have. We have the ability to make our
lives grow in abundance by serving Him in whatever capacity He directs
in God you have been enriched in every way—in all your
speaking and in all your knowledge”. (1 Corinthians 1:5)
the talents and abilities that God has blessed you with and prosperity
will fill your hearts and your homes. When
we stop relying on a wage, which is uncertain, and begin to rely and
depend on God for our livelihood, which is certain, God will bless our
life. Now get out your paper and pen and get creative with your calling.
Pray about it and wait on the Lord. He will guide you in the way you
husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She
brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. (Proverbs 31: 11,
12 NIV) She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she
plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are
strong for her tasks. (Proverbs 31:16,17 NIV)
wish that all men were as I am. But each
man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has
that. (1 Corinthians 7:7)
God’s gifts and his call are irrevocable. (Romans 11:29)
Angie and Frank