Is it Possible to be Emotionally Pure
Copyright 2010 Heaven Ministries ~ Angie Lewis
There is a lot of talk about sexual abstinence and
sexual purity before one gets married, but what about emotional purity?
No one writes or discusses this very important issue. Emotional purity
simply means to not become emotionally attached with the opposite sex
until you are truly ready to be married.
Becoming emotionally entangled over and over again
with the opposite sex can result in disastrous results in marriage.
Remaining emotional pure for marriage simply means
you have never recreationally “dated” the opposite sex. In other
words you have never gotten emotionally attached to someone. This is an
ideal candidate for marriage and let me explain why.
The culture of today sees nothing wrong with
recreational dating and romance and having several sexual partners
before marriage, but this is not the way that God intended for his
children to carry on with one another. Fornication is a sin just as
adultery is a sin. Sex between two unmarried people before marriage
causes numerous emotional and psychological problems within a person,
unbeknownst to them!
God did not ban fornication between unmarried
people to be difficult. He knew the devastation it would cause when two
people become emotionally attached without commitment for marriage. It
may seem strange to many of you to read what I have to say about dating
and that I perceive it in such a terrible light but dating is really
harmful to a person’s emotional well-being and does not prepare young
people for a mature, committed relationship in marriage.
1) Dating teaches non commitment
2) Dating teaches that sex with anyone is ok
3) It teaches disrespect of oneself and for others
4) It teaches to live life based on feelings rather
5) Dating teaches people to lust after that which
does not belong to them
6) Dating always leaves someone deeply scarred when
the relationship ends
7) Dating causes venereal diseases, AIDS, HIV and
other unhealthy medical problems
8) Dating teaches us to not trust people
9) Dating teaches us to always have our guard up
against being hurt
10) Unlike popular culture, dating does NOT prepare
one for marriage in anyway
11) Dating can deeply harm the emotional aspect of
a person, which takes away from the real beauty of marriage
For most young people dating seems like the right
thing to do because to it feels right to have sex with someone you think
you love, but that is because you are emotionally attached to the person
already. Who cares what God thinks, right? Wrong. Most of these
romantic, sexual involvements are more emotional based than sexual
based, which means if it were only sexual you could leave the
relationship, but because of the emotional attachment you feel a strong
desire to be with that person. But…
Here is where the problem begins. You or them
decide that you want to be with someone else. The feelings of desire are
not as strong after a few months or years and you want something new in
your life, so you find someone else to share your self with. Either they
discard you or you discard them as if there was never a relationship.
This leaves vulnerability within you, much like a
hole that needs filled in and repaired. If you were really attached to
this person it leaves you in pain and damaged emotionally. Why should
anyone have to go through this? Just the other day, a young celebrity,
tried to kill herself because of a breakup with her boyfriend. This is
exactly what I am talking about here! Google, “Billy Joels daughter
tries to kill herself” and something should pop up.
You may think it is not a big deal, especially if
you are in a dating relationship now, but the emotional damage begins to
build up a resistance in you from loving others in the proper ways.
Your guard is always up, ready to take any pain that is given to
you by another attachment. You carry all of this baggage into all of
your next relationships, often feeding your next mate with much of your
resentment and anger from your past breakups. Is that fair to them.
Codependency is a term that I hate to use because I
believe that we all have some areas of codependency and it is not a
syndrome like the medical establishments like to make it out to be. But
having several emotional attachments and getting hurt causes many young
people to have unhealthy relationships because of it. Unfortunately that
next relationship may be your marriage.
Now it gets complicated! Marriage is pretty much
just like your other dating affairs and your devotion and commitment
level are almost nil. Divorce is set as an option in your heart if your
spouse cheats or thinks they are not “in love” with you anymore. Or
if you feel like cheating or whatever. But doesn’t marriage supposed
to be different than just dating? Yes, marriage is a lot different
because it’s a lifetime commitment, not just a dating fling. God
intends marriage to be permanent—that means for the rest of your life!
So the question is, “Is it possible to remain
emotionally pure before marriage”? You bet it is, if you do not date!