Is it Possible to be Emotionally Pure Before Marriage?
Copyright 2010 Heaven Ministries ~ Angie Lewis


There is a lot of talk about sexual abstinence and sexual purity before one gets married, but what about emotional purity? No one writes or discusses this very important issue. Emotional purity simply means to not become emotionally attached with the opposite sex until you are truly ready to be married.

Becoming emotionally entangled over and over again with the opposite sex can result in disastrous results in marriage.

Remaining emotional pure for marriage simply means you have never recreationally “dated” the opposite sex. In other words you have never gotten emotionally attached to someone. This is an ideal candidate for marriage and let me explain why.

The culture of today sees nothing wrong with recreational dating and romance and having several sexual partners before marriage, but this is not the way that God intended for his children to carry on with one another. Fornication is a sin just as adultery is a sin. Sex between two unmarried people before marriage causes numerous emotional and psychological problems within a person, unbeknownst to them!

God did not ban fornication between unmarried people to be difficult. He knew the devastation it would cause when two people become emotionally attached without commitment for marriage. It may seem strange to many of you to read what I have to say about dating and that I perceive it in such a terrible light but dating is really harmful to a person’s emotional well-being and does not prepare young people for a mature, committed relationship in marriage.

1) Dating teaches non commitment

2) Dating teaches that sex with anyone is ok

3) It teaches disrespect of oneself and for others

4) It teaches to live life based on feelings rather than love

5) Dating teaches people to lust after that which does not belong to them

6) Dating always leaves someone deeply scarred when the relationship ends

7) Dating causes venereal diseases, AIDS, HIV and other unhealthy medical problems

8) Dating teaches us to not trust people

9) Dating teaches us to always have our guard up against being hurt

10) Unlike popular culture, dating does NOT prepare one for marriage in anyway

11) Dating can deeply harm the emotional aspect of a person, which takes away from the real beauty of marriage

For most young people dating seems like the right thing to do because to it feels right to have sex with someone you think you love, but that is because you are emotionally attached to the person already. Who cares what God thinks, right? Wrong. Most of these romantic, sexual involvements are more emotional based than sexual based, which means if it were only sexual you could leave the relationship, but because of the emotional attachment you feel a strong desire to be with that person. But…

Here is where the problem begins. You or them decide that you want to be with someone else. The feelings of desire are not as strong after a few months or years and you want something new in your life, so you find someone else to share your self with. Either they discard you or you discard them as if there was never a relationship.

This leaves vulnerability within you, much like a hole that needs filled in and repaired. If you were really attached to this person it leaves you in pain and damaged emotionally. Why should anyone have to go through this? Just the other day, a young celebrity, tried to kill herself because of a breakup with her boyfriend. This is exactly what I am talking about here! Google, “Billy Joels daughter tries to kill herself” and something should pop up.

You may think it is not a big deal, especially if you are in a dating relationship now, but the emotional damage begins to build up a resistance in you from loving others in the proper ways.  Your guard is always up, ready to take any pain that is given to you by another attachment. You carry all of this baggage into all of your next relationships, often feeding your next mate with much of your resentment and anger from your past breakups. Is that fair to them.

Codependency is a term that I hate to use because I believe that we all have some areas of codependency and it is not a syndrome like the medical establishments like to make it out to be. But having several emotional attachments and getting hurt causes many young people to have unhealthy relationships because of it. Unfortunately that next relationship may be your marriage.

Now it gets complicated! Marriage is pretty much just like your other dating affairs and your devotion and commitment level are almost nil. Divorce is set as an option in your heart if your spouse cheats or thinks they are not “in love” with you anymore. Or if you feel like cheating or whatever. But doesn’t marriage supposed to be different than just dating? Yes, marriage is a lot different because it’s a lifetime commitment, not just a dating fling. God intends marriage to be permanent—that means for the rest of your life!

So the question is, “Is it possible to remain emotionally pure before marriage”? You bet it is, if you do not date!


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