How Dating Negatively Affects Marriage


Most of us walk into marriage thinking we have married our spouse for life. But what happens a few years down the road when times get tough? How is our commitment level then? Commitment is not about words we say to each other at the alter. Anyone can make a promise, but not everyone can keep a promise. Do you see where I am going with this?

Commitment is about an attitude – a lifestyle. We must hold the sanctity and beauty of marriage dear to our heart, even before we ever get married. This is what commitment is – it’s a way of life. Now that we know what commitment is, lets take a look at what commitment is NOT.

Dating is a negative, sexual cultural practice that has been handed down from generation to generation that has turned into a process of disrespect and selfishness. The practice of dating makes us behave in ways that defends ourselves from ever being hurt. Because this is what dating is all about - love them and dump them custom.

How many times have you been dumped? How many times have you been hurt by someone you were dating? The dating process carries with it emotions such as jealousy, mistrust, and suspicion, because you really can’t trust someone who has not made a commitment to the relationship. 

We may threaten to leave the person we are dating because they are doing something that we do not like. Or perhaps we do not stay faithful to the person we are dating. After all, we’re not married, right? Dating is all about “getting something” from the relationship. Dating is a selfish way to have sex without love. Dating is all about giving false flattery and praise through the flirting process just so we can get something for ourselves.

Most people date because they believe it is the only way to find an acceptable marriage partner. But this fallacy is so far from the truth. Dating does not guarantee a marriage partner. It does guarantee getting deeply hurt and it also guarantees emotional and sexual disrespect from the person you are dating just because dating is all about the “me-me” attitude. It is selfish.

A truly committed spouse understands the principles of commitment and applies those principles into the marriage. When they stop applying the principles the marriage begins to regress again into something that resembles the dating process. A strong marriage relationship takes employing the principles of commitment into the marriage every single day! This is why commitment is considered a lifestyle. Love must be sincere.

Commitment Is An Operation

Anyone can say they are married forever and still get a divorce.  Commitment has to be felt in our heart and mind and be a part of who we are. Commitment is an operation – it takes action to accomplish its purpose. For instance, if you told your husband you were going to leave him because he had an affair, is that commitment? No, it is not.  If you told your wife that you were divorcing her because she is an alcoholic, is that being committed to your marriage? No, it’s not.

Now, let’s make it a bit harder for you?

If your wife does not respect you and is always telling you how to behave, and you decide to talk to other women who appreciate you more, is that commitment? No, it is not.  If your husband can’t hold down a job and spends too much time with his buddies, and you get online and find a man who will listen to you, is that commitment? No, it is not. These things are dating. You have not come out from the dating scene mentality, even though you may be married.

This is how the dating scene prepares couples for commitment in marriage – it doesn’t!

How can someone be truly committed in their marriage, even if they have had several negative dating relationships?  Well, they must understand the principles of commitment and apply them into their marriage every single day until it becomes a way of life for them. Love Must Be Sincere – it is the only way!

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brother love. Honor one another above yourselves. Romans 12:9-10

 Copyright 2007 Heaven Ministries - Angie Lewis


Copyright © 2010 - 2014 Heaven Ministries ~ Scriptural Romance in Preparation to Marriage

Copyright © 2002 - 2014 Heaven Ministries ~ Marriage Healing Ministry