The Dating Attitude vs. Godly Courtship Attitude
Heaven Ministries ~ Marriage Preparation

Have you ever dated someone and thought they are “the one” for you?  Sometimes the person we believe to be “the one” for us doesn’t even have any good character qualities, such as respect of parents or have a good relationship with God. What makes us think we are in love with someone who is clearly NOT compatible for us? Oddly enough, sometimes the least likely person for us is the person we believe we want to spend the rest of our life with! How can this be?!

This happens because we are letting our emotions direct the relationship. We aren’t really looking into the future, but only living for the feelings we have today in our heart. We believe that our feelings tell us who is right for us, but this is where many of us go wrong in the relationship department and end up getting hurt and heartbroken. The sad truth is many people marry very unsuitable and very unlikely people for them based on their emotions, because the dating process deceived them!

The above is what the dating attitude does to us and we don’t even realize it. This is because no one has ever taught us anything else! All we know is that to meet someone we have to “go out on a date” with them. But “going out on a date” does not actually prepare us for marriage because anyone can be anything they want and they can say anything to make you like them. When you date, you don’t really find out about “who” someone is because dating is all about becoming emotionally and sexually involved and that’s it.  A person who is only after one thing surely doesn't care about "who you are" or "how your relationship is with your parents or with God". No, all they care about is feeling good through you.

Here’s a good way to find out the difference between a dating attitude and courtship attitude.

Dating Attitude

The dating attitude only cares about what he or she can receive from the other. It is based on emotions and feeling good. Once the feelings of desire wane, they move on into a new sexual relationship. Dating almost always involves being alone and sexual with someone. Dating is actually a very disrespectful way to meet people. Very rarely is there any “real love” or commitment in a dating relationship.

Godly Courtship Attitude

The Godly courtship attitude cares about the future with a person. He or she does not want anything from this person. Through common activities they share, they get to know each other based on respect and love of God. Godly Courtship always involves other people because of the shared activity, hobby, sport, etc. Not until there is a commitment for marriage is there any emotions shared with each other, ideally.

The number one wisest thing you can do before letting yourself become emotionally attached to someone is to truly get to know them. Pray about new friendships of the opposite sex and ask God to guide you in the right direction. Remember; always keep your emotions in check. Ask God to help you with this and He will provide. God doesn’t want you to marry someone that is not suitable for you in marriage—He will lead you if you let Him. Make God your first love and He will make sure your earthly love is someone who will treat you right and take care of you according to God’s ways for marriage.

Secondly, bring your friends of the opposite sex home to meet your parents and do not rush into anything without first talking to them about this new relationship. Parents will often see character traits, whether they are good or bad, in your friends that you will fail to see. This is because emotions literally cloud our judgment, especially if we think we’re in love or think this person is “the one” for us. Hopefully you did not let the relationship progress that far without a firm commitment to marriage

Parents do not have any emotion invested in the person you are thinking about pursuing further in a courtship relationship. Christian parents will see things that you will not. Godly courtship never rushes into anything without first getting to know the person, praying about the relationship and getting parents opinion. It doesn’t matter how old you are, most of the time your parents will be wiser than you because they have been through issues that you have not.

If your parents have a good relationship with God, then they will have good insight into considering suitable partners for their son or daughter.  This doesn’t mean they have to “choose” the person you are going to marry but it does mean that it is respectful to involve your parents in your life. Eloping or getting married without a parents blessing or consent is rude and disrespectful. Society has turned family life into something ungodly. Young people think that the minute they reach the age of 18 they must hurry up and move out. Bad idea. This is a whole other article, which we will write in a different newsletter.

Children should remain in the home until they get married, it doesn’t matter what age they are.  Fathers should be the protector of their daughter until she has a husband who can then take over that role. Adult children should be respectful and honor their parents, helping around the home in all areas that are needed.

As you can see, the dating attitude is purely for selfish reasons; receiving something from the other, but the Godly courtship attitude never allows these types of feelings to override wisdom and knowledge from God. God will provide us with the wisdom to choose wisely, and to never allow our emotions to rule our relationships with the opposite sex.

Make Godly courtship fun, entertaining and creative. Look for ways to be a good example of a single person for those who are lost within the dating culture. Godly courtship is about meeting people and having fun getting to know them, and their parents and their friends, and their relationship with God. Don’t be mislead, thinking if you don’t date you cannot meet the opposite sex, on the contrary when you involve yourself in good clean activates, you will meet many people that are suitable to you as wonderful and honest friends, and for a marriage partner some day.