The Dating Attitude
vs. Godly Courtship Attitude
Heaven Ministries ~ Marriage Preparation
Have you ever dated someone and thought they are “the one” for you?
Sometimes the person we believe to be “the one” for us
doesn’t even have any good character qualities, such as respect of
parents or have a good relationship with God. What makes us think we are
in love with someone who is clearly NOT compatible for us? Oddly enough,
sometimes the least likely person for us is the person we believe we
want to spend the rest of our life with! How can this be?!
This happens because we are letting our emotions direct the
relationship. We aren’t really looking into the future, but only
living for the feelings we have today in our heart. We believe that our
feelings tell us who is right for us, but this is where many of us go
wrong in the relationship department and end up getting hurt and
heartbroken. The sad truth is many people marry very unsuitable and very
unlikely people for them based on their emotions, because the dating
process deceived them!
The above is what the dating attitude does to us and we don’t even
realize it. This is because no one has ever taught us anything else! All
we know is that to meet someone we have to “go out on a date” with
them. But “going out on a date” does not actually prepare us for
marriage because anyone can be anything they want and they can say
anything to make you like them. When you date, you don’t really find
out about “who” someone is because dating is all about becoming
emotionally and sexually involved and that’s it. A
person who is only after one thing surely doesn't care about "who
you are" or "how your relationship is with your parents or
with God". No, all they care about is feeling good through you.
Here’s a good way to find out the difference between a dating attitude
and courtship attitude.
The dating attitude only cares about what he or she can receive from the
other. It is based on emotions and feeling good. Once the feelings of
desire wane, they move on into a new sexual relationship. Dating almost
always involves being alone and sexual with someone. Dating is actually
a very disrespectful way to meet people. Very rarely is there any
“real love” or commitment in a dating relationship.
Godly Courtship Attitude
The Godly courtship attitude cares about the future with a person. He or
she does not want anything from this person. Through common activities
they share, they get to know each other based on respect and love of
God. Godly Courtship always involves other people because of the shared
activity, hobby, sport, etc. Not until there is a commitment for
marriage is there any emotions shared with each other, ideally.
The number one wisest thing you can do before letting yourself become
emotionally attached to someone is to truly get to know them. Pray about
new friendships of the opposite sex and ask God to guide you in the
right direction. Remember; always keep your emotions in check. Ask God
to help you with this and He will provide. God doesn’t want you to
marry someone that is not suitable for you in marriage—He will lead
you if you let Him. Make God your first love and He will make sure your
earthly love is someone who will treat you right and take care of you
according to God’s ways for marriage.
Secondly, bring your friends of the opposite sex home to meet your
parents and do not rush into anything without first talking to them
about this new relationship. Parents will often see character traits,
whether they are good or bad, in your friends that you will fail to see.
This is because emotions literally cloud our judgment, especially if we
think we’re in love or think this person is “the one” for us.
Hopefully you did not let the relationship progress that far without a
firm commitment to marriage
Parents do not have any emotion invested in the person you are thinking
about pursuing further in a courtship relationship. Christian parents
will see things that you will not. Godly courtship never rushes into
anything without first getting to know the person, praying about the
relationship and getting parents opinion. It doesn’t matter how old
you are, most of the time your parents will be wiser than you because
they have been through issues that you have not.
If your parents have a good relationship with God, then they will have
good insight into considering suitable partners for their son or
daughter. This doesn’t
mean they have to “choose” the person you are going to marry but it
does mean that it is respectful to involve your parents in your life.
Eloping or getting married without a parents blessing or consent is rude
and disrespectful. Society has turned family life into something
ungodly. Young people think that the minute they reach the age of 18
they must hurry up and move out. Bad idea. This is a whole other
article, which we will write in a different newsletter.
Children should remain in the home until they get married, it doesn’t
matter what age they are. Fathers
should be the protector of their daughter until she has a husband who
can then take over that role. Adult children should be respectful and
honor their parents, helping around the home in all areas that are
As you can see, the dating attitude is purely for selfish reasons;
receiving something from the other, but the Godly courtship attitude
never allows these types of feelings to override wisdom and knowledge
from God. God will provide us with the wisdom to choose wisely, and to
never allow our emotions to rule our relationships with the opposite
Make Godly courtship fun, entertaining and creative. Look for ways to be
a good example of a single person for those who are lost within the
dating culture. Godly courtship is about meeting people and having
fun getting to know them, and their parents and their friends, and their
relationship with God. Don’t be mislead, thinking if you don’t
date you cannot meet the opposite sex, on the contrary when you involve
yourself in good clean activates, you will meet many people that are
suitable to you as wonderful and honest friends, and for a marriage
partner some day.