Betrothal vs. Dating

 Copyright 2007 Heaven Ministries

Betrothal is different than worldly engagement; there is NO SEX during the betrothal period, and the betrothal cannot be broken off like an engagement. Betrothal is a promise between God and the couples just like marriage is. The betrothal period unlike the dating period is a sound biblically based relationship without the trappings of sex.

Betrothal leads to a healthy marriage.  It teaches how to respect, honor, love and commit oneself to another. The betrothal period teaches young people about the principled acts of love, which is so very important in marriage.

The dating process on the other hand, teaches about having sex and the need to feel a certain way in a relationship. When someone says they are dating someone, they most likely mean, they are having sex with them. Thatís what dating is. The dating syndrome goes something like this: when you are dating someone and you do not feel in love or ecstatic with jubilation about the person you are with anymore, then you can just dump them and jump into the next relationship that feels good to you. This habit of dating and sexual cohabitation is meaningless and worthless. It does not teach about the principles of love nor teach how to respect and honor someone.

Have you ever stole love from your spouse? Stealing love is easy and we have all done it, but it is wrong. If you think the way to love is through any form of manipulations, abuse, exploitation, or through selfishness then you are stealing love from your spouse. This happens mostly because of the lack of commitment to the person you married. Unfortunately, most people jump into marriage under the wrong guise of love because dating conditioned them to believe wrongly about what love really is. If you believe that love is only about getting something from the other or needing to feel a certain way then you have been mislead.

But now letís suppose your marriage is prearranged for you, meaning your dad chooses the man you are going to marry and you have no say so in the matter. You donít even feel love for the man you are about to marry, but your dad says you have to marry him. In the bible days this was the norm for women of marital age. Many times, if she were still too young to marry, say fourteen-years old, she was betrothed (engaged) to the man she was to marry until marital age, which was about sixteen. This is what Mary and Joseph did. They were betrothed for several years before they actually got married.

So did Mary love Joseph? It didnít matter if she felt love for Joseph or not because back then they didnít go by feelings to choose a suitable partner. Mary respected and honored Joseph, which is principled acts of love right there! What was she supposed to feel?  We are not to marry the one we love, but love the one we marry. 

Women married the man their father chose for them to marry and together they learned to love and respect each other by applying the principled acts of love. Women often needed to be loved and provided for and a Godly man of good character was chosen for that very purpose. Did Joseph love Mary? If he protected, provided, and cared for Mary, which he did, then he was loving her.

Today young women are giving themselves away in sex with multiple partners, not ever learning about how to properly respect and honor a man the way he should be respected and honored. She has been disrespected, exploited and abused so many times herself because of the dating process, that to respect or love a man in the proper ways is absolutely unspeakable to her.

Today young men are giving themselves away in sex with multiple partners never learning how to properly love, respect, provide, and protect a woman. He has been exploited, abused and disrespected so many times himself through the dating process that he is afraid to trust or love a woman in the right ways, it scares him. And women wonder why men are afraid to commit themselves in a marriage!?

In my opinion the dating process is a sham, full of lies, deceit, lustfulness, and degradation of self worth and value in yourself and others. Why in the world do you have to have sex to get to know someone? Sex should be saved for marriage. Dating is senseless and without a doubt, causing much of the unneeded problems associated with bad marriages today. 




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