Principles from Jane Austinís Sense and Sensibility
2011 Heaven Ministries ~
Marriage Preparation and Godly Courtship
Austin's Sense and Sensibility is the classic tale of what
happens when you allow yourself to become emotionally attached without
commitment; there will be heartache. Marriage readiness is truly knowing
the person you are going to marry.
falls head over heels for dashing Willoughby, whom seems to love
Marianne but knows that he cannot marry her because he is engaged to
another woman of wealth. Willoughby loves money more than Marrianne.
Too bad he keeps this character flaw from Marianne. Had she known that
he was already engaged to a woman, perhaps she would not have given away
her heart to this man who was only using her. Marianne allows every part
of her being to be lead into this whirlwind romance with a man who knew
all along he would never marry her.
first mistake was not knowing this man's true character before she
allowed her emotions to get the best of her. His deceptive charm
literally swept Marianne off her feet. And because of his charm and
flirtatious gestures Marianne took this to mean that he truly loved her.
Boy was she deceived! One day, Willoughby just up and left. This very
same thing happens today with people in their relationships. Many people
only pretend to love one another so they can receive something from the
other, whether it is praise and recognition or sex, money, and or
status. Once that something is achieved and there is nothing left to
"get" from the relationship one of the parties dumps the
other, and heartache and suffering follows.
is precisely why we must be prepared for marriage by knowing the man or
woman we are thinking about marrying before we allow ourselves to
become too emotionally attached. And remember, "Charm can be
deceptive"! The bible even tells us so over and over again. "Favour
is deceitful, and beauty is vain; but a woman that feareth the Lord. she
shall be praised. (Proverbs 31:30)
can seem so nice and wonderful and everything they say about themselves
and everything they do seems perfect and this is because we allow our
emotions to lead over sense and sensibility. Without discernment and
wisdom taking the lead we go into new relationships without being
cautious about the person.
can't tell you how many women and men write in to our ministry in pain
and suffering because they did not truly know the person they dated
before they rushed into marriage. Now they suffer in an unhappy marriage
because they married someone who said they were a Christian, or they
married someone who had lots of past baggage and issues affecting them,
or they married people who were addicted to alcohol or drugs. But many
of these people were simply caught up in the lust and desire of the new
relationship, and then after the marriage, they realized they made a
mistake in rushing into marriage with this person based on their
emotions of lust and desire.
someone charms us with great words we must step back and ask
"why" would they be doing this when they barely know me?
People can say lots of things to impress others, but does all of this
talk turn into fruits or is this person just trying to sweet talk you
for their own benefit? "Let no man
deceive you with vain words: for because of these things cometh the
wrath of God upon the children of disobedience. Be not ye therefore
partakers with them. (Ephesians 5:6)
was another man who loved Marianne very much but she did not know it
because he kept to himself about it. Colonel Brandon was a gentleman and
he kept his emotions to himself because he saw that Marianne was
attracted to Willoughby, not him. Had Colonel Brandon showed his
affection it would have been for the wrong reasons because he knew that
Marianne thought she loved Willoughby. You see the difference?
Real love would not do any harm to another emotionally or physically,
which is what deceptive charm and favour is. (Let
love be without dissimulation. Romans 12:1) whenever love is
dissimulated it becomes fake love--itís not real!
Definition of Dissimulation:
To disguise (one's intentions, for example) under a feigned
To conceal one's true feelings or intentions.
a man and a woman begins to feel affection for one another through the
courting process they do not have to get under the sheets together! They
don't have to give false flattery and they certainly do not have to try
and be somebody they are not!! "That ye
put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt
according to the deceitful lusts." (Ephesians 4:22)
day Marianne saw Willoughby with the other woman. Marianne, heartbroken
and feeling like it was the end of the world, ran out into the cold of
the night and subsequently almost died from pneumonia. When she awoke,
Colonel Brandon, the man who truly loved her was standing over her
bedside. It was then she realized his love for her. It took her almost
dying to came to her senses and realize that Willoughby was only using
her and that she had been deceived by him. He charmed and flattered her
to the extent of her thinking she was in love, but actually she was not
"in love" at all, but enjoyed the flattery and affections
Willoughby gave her!
this is just how men and woman behave today in their relationships because
they want something; they deceive one another. (Let
love be without dissimulation. Romans 12:1). They are not true
with their intentions.
began to notice Brandon's affection for her and she ended up marrying
him and he treated her well all the years of their life. You know how I
know that. Well, because throughout the movie he showed just how much he
cared about her and did not want her hurt emotionally. He became
heartbroken when she became heartbroken. He was so upset when she almost
died. But he did not deceive Marianne in any way--he was always a
gentleman, thinking about her needs before his own!
the single woman reading this: the moral of this story is to marry the
man who truly loves you and will take care of you, who puts you first
over his own feelings. Wait for this man to come to you. Don't rush into
having a relationship just because someone charms you. Wait for the man
who is willing to sacrifice something of himself for you. This is what
Jesus Christ did for us and is the example for single men to follow even
BEFORE they marry.
soon as the man commits himself in a relationship for marriage he should
take on the headship role. The husband is to love his wife in the
same way Christ loved the church-"Husbands,
love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself
for it; that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by
the word. He that loveth his wife loveth himself." (Ephesians
single men reading this: there are many single and married women who
will charm and flatter you with their beauty. Don't be like Samson and
allow "a Delilah" to deceive you. Samson was deceived over and
over again by a woman who truly cared nothing about him. He allowed
himself to be charmed and lured by a beautiful woman and all she cared
about was herself and what she could get from Samson. Look for the
fruits. The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy,
peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance,
against such there is no law. (Galatians 5:22-23)
woman who loves you and is in a committed relationship with you for
marriage should already begin to submit to your loving and Godly
guidance even before the wedding day, which shows many of the submissive
qualities of goodness, faith, meekness, and temperance. "Wives
submit yourselves unto your husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband
is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church; and
he is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto
Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything."
truly prepared for marriage is in knowing your role for marriage and
when the commitment for marriage is made to begin living those roles for
marriage with each other. Scripture shows us how God wants our marriage
to be. Many of the principles and teachings of Christ show us how we
should treat one another before getting married and what to look for in
a person (fruits) for a potential marriage spouse. These are the things
we should base our relationships on.