What is Courtship?
Copyright 2005 Heaven Ministries - Angie Lewis

What exactly is courtship? Courtship is young men and women seeking each other for the purpose of finding a spouse. It is a sexually abstinent friendship that through the courting process bonds two people together while they both grow and learn to honor, respect, and love each other.

The courting process involves the parents on both sides and the parents must approve and bless the courtship.

In essence, courtship is a word that has been applied to describe the biblical basis for the relationship leading up to marriage. In the Bible, the parents were always involved in the marriage process.

It is a “MAN” who leaves his father and mother to cleave to a wife, not a “BOY” dating a young girl!  Dating is not sound biblical doctrine.

The biblical basis for courting is found in the bible through Mary and Joseph. Not only did Mary and Joseph court one another they were betrothed!   

Betrothal is almost like being married; both partners KNOW they will get married, but for sound reasons, maybe financial, or being too young, they are betrothed (engaged) until they finally get married.

Betrothal is different than worldly engagement though; there is still NO SEX during the betrothal period, and the betrothal cannot be broken off like an engagement. Betrothal is a promise between God and the couples just like marriage is.

He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord Proverbs 18:22

"For this cause shall a man leave Father and mother, and shall cleave to a wife..." Matt. 19:5

The most wonderful thing about courtship is there isn’t any of the pressure associated with having to have sex! Neither expects sex from the other because they knew going into the courtship relationship that sex would be taboo, and so they are FREE to enjoy each other without the sexual conditions and hang-ups to be met. Do you know what a BIG load that is off the young girl’s emotions?  Big! Big! Big!

Dating on the other hand is a sexual worldly ritual that usually involves flirting, lustfulness, and sex.  Dating is SEX!

For several generations young girls have been encouraged by society, peers, and culture to experiment with a variety of romantic partners before marriage. What an emotional roller coaster ride for these young girls!

These dating relationships start the process of recreational bonding that when ripped apart cause broken hearts and heavy-laden emotions that impact the mental stability of the young girl. These romantic-lust involvements tend to end with a wounded heart, and whacked out emotions, and with each subsequent broken relationship, the wound gets bigger and bigger.

These wounds are the baggage that many young women bring into their marriage, causing numerous problems that could have been prevented.

The dating process taught them to base relationships on the “date them, dump them syndrome”.  It taught them that they aren’t good enough, and it taught them to be on the defensive at all times with men, and to basically not trust them even into marriage. 

These young women are unable to cope with the pressures of sexual relationships because they don’t really know what the godly basis for marriage is, such as honor and commitment that is learned through the courting process.

The courting process unlike the dating process is a sound biblically based relationship without the trappings of sex. There is a purpose for courting and that purpose leads to a healthy marriage.

Of course not every marriage will end in divorce because a young girl had sexual relations before marriage, but it doesn’t help either. Some of these women are more resilient and can snap back, others have discovered the Spiritual Christ in their lives and can maintain a happy marriage and family life.

But for most of these young girls, the damage wrecks havoc with their emotions and the past will continue to haunt them in their marriage. For instance, she may have negative feelings about sex. She may use sex has a way to get what she wants, or worse yet, she may reject her husband because of her emotions telling her how to behave in the marriage. And, still, worse yet, she may commit adultery, not really seeing anything wrong with it, since she had so many relations in the past.

As you can see, there will be consequences of these young girls actions later in their life, and these consequences will and DO affect the quality of the marriage!

We parents can be in control of our children’s lives, and help them to do what is right for them selves and others. We can actually love our children by telling them no, while steering them towards the path that will ultimately lead them to where true happiness lies. They will thank you for it later when they have finally matured into respectable and loving adults.