Heaven Ministries - Angie Lewis
What exactly is
courtship? Courtship is young men and women seeking each other for
the purpose of finding a spouse. It is a sexually abstinent friendship
that through the courting process bonds two people together while they
both grow and learn to honor, respect, and love each other.
process involves the parents on both sides and the parents must approve
and bless the courtship.
courtship is a word that
has been applied to describe the biblical basis for the relationship
leading up to marriage. In the Bible, the parents were always involved
in the marriage process.
It is a “MAN”
who leaves his father and mother to cleave to a wife, not a “BOY”
dating a young girl! Dating
is not sound biblical doctrine.
The biblical basis
for courting is found in the bible through Mary and Joseph. Not only did
Mary and Joseph court one another they were betrothed!
Betrothal is almost
like being married; both partners KNOW they will get married, but for
sound reasons, maybe financial, or being too young, they are betrothed
(engaged) until they finally get married.
different than worldly engagement though; there is still NO SEX during
the betrothal period, and the betrothal cannot be broken off like an
engagement. Betrothal is a promise between God and the couples just like
He who finds a wife
finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord Proverbs 18:22
cause shall a man leave Father and mother, and shall cleave to a
wife..." Matt. 19:5
The most wonderful
thing about courtship is there isn’t any of the pressure associated
with having to have sex! Neither expects sex from the other because they
knew going into the courtship relationship that sex would be taboo, and
so they are FREE to enjoy each other without the sexual conditions and
hang-ups to be met. Do you know what a BIG load that is off the young
girl’s emotions? Big!
Dating on the other
hand is a sexual worldly ritual that usually involves flirting,
lustfulness, and sex. Dating
generations young girls have been encouraged by society, peers, and
culture to experiment with a variety of romantic partners before
marriage. What an emotional roller coaster ride for these young girls!
relationships start the process of recreational bonding that when ripped
apart cause broken hearts and heavy-laden emotions that impact the
mental stability of the young girl. These romantic-lust involvements
tend to end with a wounded heart, and whacked out emotions, and with
each subsequent broken relationship, the wound gets bigger and bigger.
These wounds are
the baggage that many young women bring into their marriage, causing
numerous problems that could have been prevented.
The dating process
taught them to base relationships on the “date them, dump them
syndrome”. It taught them
that they aren’t good enough, and it taught them to be on the
defensive at all times with men, and to basically not trust them even
These young women
are unable to cope with the pressures of sexual relationships because
they don’t really know what the godly basis for marriage is, such as
honor and commitment that is learned through the courting process.
process unlike the dating process is a sound biblically based
relationship without the trappings of sex. There is a purpose for
courting and that purpose leads to a healthy marriage.
Of course not every
marriage will end in divorce because a young girl had sexual relations
before marriage, but it doesn’t help either. Some of these women are
more resilient and can snap back, others have discovered the Spiritual
Christ in their lives and can maintain a happy marriage and family life.
But for most of
these young girls, the damage wrecks havoc with their emotions and the
past will continue to haunt them in their marriage. For instance, she
may have negative feelings about sex. She may use sex has a way to get
what she wants, or worse yet, she may reject her husband because of her
emotions telling her how to behave in the marriage. And, still, worse
yet, she may commit adultery, not really seeing anything wrong with it,
since she had so many relations in the past.
As you can see,
there will be consequences of these young girls actions later in their
life, and these consequences will and DO affect the quality of the
We parents can be
in control of our children’s lives, and help them to do what is right
for them selves and others. We can actually love our children by telling
them no, while steering them towards the path that will ultimately lead
them to where true happiness lies. They will thank you for it later when
they have finally matured into respectable and loving adults.