Question: Hello Angie! I am a 37-year
old divorcee single mom of three. I met a man a year ago who is now 28.
I love him dearly and he has touched my heart in a way no one ever has,
he is my best friend. I know I want to be his wife. He has been trying
throughout our whole relationship to get me to subscribe to the
traditional role he believes a woman should take in a relationship and
the way he was raised.
first I thought he was crazy because I am and always have been a
headstrong, independent woman. I have always been the one in charge at
work and home and have never allowed any man to control me. The more I
thought about it and the deeper I fell in love, I began to understand
his views are not a requirement for me to give up myself but for me to
change my ways because a man is now in the house and I no longer need to
play the role of both. He suggested we see a relationship counselor,
which we have, and he has spoken to several on his own.
advice he was given is that because of my age, I am basically set in my
ways and I WILL NEVER CHANGE. Because of this advice he has ended our
relationship (yesterday). He wants a wife and he does not believe I can
be the wife he needs me to be. I have read the excerpt from your book
"How to Treat a Man Like a Man"
I have printed out ten copies and taped them all over my house as
reminders especially the part about respect, because when I read the
article I thought it was written for me. Everything in it sounded just
like things I do.
I want to change, I want to change not only for him but also for me. I
am so tired of carrying this weight of having to be a man and woman in
my home. I want so much to take on the role I was meant to take on but I
am lost, I am so lost. Can you please carbon copy him on your response
because if you feel the same, that I can never change, he should know
the truth because I trust your advice above all of the other advice that
has been given. Your articles have inspired me to want to change for the
man I love.
Guidance: I appreciate your encouraging words. I also appreciate
this question – I can relate to it because I used to feel the same way
as you. You want to know if a headstrong, independent woman can become
the Christ-honoring and loving wife that God has meant for her to be?
The answer is a resounding yes! I
have been there and done that already – this is why I started Heaven
Ministries because I felt God was calling me to encourage women and to
share with them what I have come to learn through Him.
the way we view the world around us has nothing to do what we have been
conditioned into believing. For instance if a parent teaches her
daughter how to be independent minded and not in need of a husband’s
protection that just means she has not been taught anything else and
doesn’t know any better. Even you yourself said that after reading
some of my articles was when the concept of submission came into the
light for you.
hope your fiancée is reading this because anyone can change once they
have a better understanding of something, no matter how old they are or
what their past is like. If a person can’t grow through Christ and
give up the old attitude of believing that women rule over men then that
would mean that no one can give up their past and be forgiven and become
new people in Christ either! That’s like saying just because someone
was an alcoholic for 25 years of their life that they can’t change?
People can change if they set their heart and mind to it. People change
through Christ to become better people.
we change is through our growth and relationship in Jesus Christ. We
cannot change on our own because then it is for selfish reasons (for
self). We can’t change for someone else because later on down the road
we’ll feel resentful over it. When we give up our past life, and in
this case attitude, and the way we view the world around us, it
involves understanding the principles that Christ has laid out for wives
and husbands to follow. Anyone who is not now following these principles
for their marriage is following ideas that come from the world – this
is why many couples aren’t happy and are divorcing – they are
following a different design (attitude) for marriage.
you have the willingness to be the woman/mother/wife that God has meant
for you to be, then you just do it. Don’t do it for yourself, or for
your future husband, do it for God. By doing it first for God you will
be doing for yourself and for your husband. That will be living your
purpose for you. Do you see how that works?
God wanted women to have feministic views, and be something other than
what He has already designed for women to be, then there would be
another book with His Word in it expressing His desires. But as it is,
there is only one bible and one word, and that same word applies today,
as it did 2,000 years ago. Nothing has changed with God, even though the
culture has changed and has turned marriage and families upside down in
the process. Does that mean we have to be like that too? No, it does
not. It does not mean that
we have to follow what the crowd is doing.
say that you are lost but you aren’t lost when you have Jesus Christ
and His principles at your fingertips. The real question here is NOT can
you change, but do you want to, and are you willing to change? Some
people in society have taken the beauty of being a wife and mother and
turned it into something women should fear. When a young girl is
conditioned into believing that she doesn’t need a man, or that
somehow men are inferior to women then she will behave in ways that are
rebellious to men, which is what feminism is about.
read the article source at the end of this marriage column called The
Independent Minded Christian Woman. Print it out – husband and
wife should discuss and answer the questions that follow the article
used to think that my husband was trying to control me and I was very
headstrong and rebellious too. But I realized, just like you, that he
wasn’t trying to control me, but love and protect me in the way he was asked
to by God. He was and is only doing his job! If we women take away
the purpose and positions of our husbands, what is left but a bossy,
headstrong, and rebellious wife. Being independent minded has nothing to
do with it. A woman of God can still think for herself and be who she is
through the mold that God created her to be. She doesn’t lose anything
of herself by allowing her husband to be head of the household, but
gains more of herself by knowing exactly where she stands and her role
in the marriage.
we do not accept God’s plan for our life, we will misunderstand
the role that God has assigned us for our marriage – to be
our husbands helpmate, to support him and love him, and to respect him
always, even when we don’t feel like it.
To be submissive and allow him to do his job of being the Captain
of the ship without our nagging and demanding interference.
wife who treats her man like the man God created him to
be will be treated like a queen by her husband. I guarantee it!
finally for all the Christian husbands reading this. You also have a
purpose and a position in your home that should be carried out according
to the principles that God has designed. A woman cannot be a lady if you
are making her be the man of the home. Or if you are not doing your job
outlined for you by God. So you see it works both ways. She needs your
encouragement... and ladies your man needs your encouragement. Work
together as a team and make your marriage prosper with abundance and
this question honestly. “If a robber with a gun suddenly broke into
your home, would you have your wife get your gun and defend the home,
family, and you, or would you do it? That's what I thought. So how is it
any different from those predators and bad influences that are outside
of the home?
email me with additional questions that may have surfaced from this
marriage column. God Bless!
The Woman You Married
Love The Man You Married
was told by a reviewer of my book that feminists will be offended by the
lifestyle I talk about in my book, Love
The Man You Married. Why is that? Well, it shows women how to
love their man, and enjoy doing it too. What is so offensive about that?
Are they offended because they have experienced abuse by a man, or was
controlled by a man, or maybe it is because they have been conditioned
to believe that a woman is not an independent thinker unless she bosses
men around and wields a little power around in her career? Nothing is
further from the truth. You see, this is the FEAR that I was talking
is submission? Giving up selfishness and rebelliousness and becoming all
of the person God wants you to be, so you will be independent enough to
let go of the need to control, and submit to another. It's
really that simple.
is so ironic, but it is those women who submit to their husbands freely
and lovingly that are the most independent minded! Why is that? These
women are not dependent upon things or people to make them feel good
about who they are - that's why!
As a Christian woman, this
question is especially important to me. Does the Word of God address
feminism? The modern concept of feminism was not present during the time
that the Bible was written. That does mean that the Bible has
nothing to say on the basic issues of feminism. Even when the Scriptures
seem to be silent on something that affects us today, there are eternal
principles that speak to the underlying issue.
What are the issues of
feminism? Feminism is a counterfeit solution to the real issue of the
inequality of women in a sinful society. Feminism arrogates to itself
the right to demand respect and equality in every aspect of life.
Feminism is based in arrogance and it is the opposite of the call to the
born again believer to be a servant. The actions of the modern, militant
feminists of the last decade were geared to cause women to rise up and
rebel against the order that God has given to mankind. That brand of
feminism seeks to impose humanistic solutions that are in direct
opposition to the Word of God. Feminism was originally a positive
movement, focused on giving women the basic rights God intends for every
human being to have. Tragically, feminism has gone past those roots to
now focus on destroying any trace of a distinction in roles between men
What then should be the view
of a Christian about feminism? A believing woman, who is seeking to obey
God and walk in peace and grace, should remember that she has equal
access to all spiritual blessings in Christ.
"There is neither
Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor
female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus" (Galatians 3:28).
A believing woman should not
allow herself to be a pawn in the worldly agenda of the feminist
movement. Men and women have a God-given privilege to fulfill the plan
that God has set for us. Rebellion against that plan, and arrogance that
seeks to put self above God's Word, results in self-inflicted
consequences. We see those consequences in the destruction of the
relationship between husbands and wives, the destruction of the family,
and the loss of respect for human life.
"For all that is in the
world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of
life, is not of the Father, but is of the world" (1 John 2:16). The
principles of the fall are present in this verse. Eve believed the lie
that eating the fruit would bring her wisdom. She lusted and she took or
arrogated to herself something that was forbidden. This is the basis for
the movement of feminism. Women have bought into the lie that feminism
will bring them what they want, what they think that they
"deserve." However, the promise is empty for the premise is
based in pride and pride goes before a fall. "Pride goeth before
destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall" (Proverbs 16:18).
In the last decade there has
been the rise of a society that is so concerned with political
correctness and so sensitive to being "offended" that civility
has lost its way. However, this is really nothing new for there
has always been inequality in this world. It is sad but true that
artificial barriers that have no basis in God's Word have always divided
humanity. There is only one race, the human race! With in that human
race we have male and female, different ethnicities, different colors,
and different national origins. However, we are all of the same God
created human race. It is sin in the heart that causes inequality. It is
sin in the heart that causes men to treat women in ways that are meant
to demean. It is sin that sets one person above another. And it is sin
that seeks to use counterfeit solutions to counteract these
inequalities. The only true cure for inequality is obedience to God's
Word. If men and women would walk in obedience to God's word, feminism
would be unmasked for what it is, and the harmony that God has ordained
for the relationship between men and women would be the result.
Recommended Resource: Love
The Man You Married
||It is an oxymoron for a feminist to value
marriage or family in the Christian sense. They value these things only
up to the point as it doesn't interfere with their agenda and
Would a feminist make
a good marriage spouse? They might be compatible with a man who does not
care about his God-given position as a husband, but for the sincere
Christian husband, who takes his position has head in the marriage
seriously, she would not make a good wife and that is because her career
and personal advancement is more important to her than her responsibilities
as a wife and mother.
Husband’s And Their
It’s the twenty first
Century and women all over the world are vying for top gun positions in
the political arena, and entering the killing fields of the US Military.
What is wrong with this picture? Will
these women in high positions really make a difference? They will for
the world and what the world stands for. But in God's kingdom of heaven,
women are the center and balance of the family life and home. Good women
are needed in this area now, more than ever.
I do know this much, feminism
makes a negative influence within the sphere of marriage and family
I find it strange that women are often
wondering why men are afraid to commit to marriage!
This is an ironic arrangement
here, since women are jumping into marriage even though they have high
aspirations for themselves as a career woman, and divorce rates are
skyrocketing. Um, I wonder if it has anything to do with it?
The cycle of feminism is a
rebellious and ungodly way to think, believe and live and unfortunately
someone always loses out during these phases or cycles of
life--basically it is Godly family life.
Can the Sincere Christian do
"Come out of her
my people"...says the LORD
Starts in the Home and Schools
starts in the home and in the schools and in some churches. Even Christians
parents promote feminism to their daughters. They don't realize that
pushing them out to go to college is pushing them away from family
values and into the world of ungodly values. Not only that but they are
pushing her away from them as her protectors. Who is going to protect
her once she lives on her own and goes to college?
parents are oblivious to the fact that over half of all women, who are
sent away to college are abused in some way by men. Is that what you
want for your daughter?
The way a wife
honors and respects her husband in front of the children is extremely
important. If a son sees his mother dominating and behaving over-bearing
with his father, he will be discouraged from his God-given position as
head of the home. He won't man up to His responsibilities and protect
and care for his wife in the way Christ does the church. Is that what we
want for our sons? And if a daughter
sees her mother disrespecting her father she will more readily to the
same with her husband when she