How to Prepare For a Rock Solid Marriage
Feminism vs. Marriage and Family Values
Battle of the Sexes VS. Genesis

Angie’s Marriage Column
January 21 2009

What Does the Bible Say About Feminism? Can a Christian Be a Feminist? 

Would a Feminist Make 
a Good Spouse?

At first I thought he was crazy because I am and always have been a headstrong, independent woman. I have always been the one in charge at work and home and have never allowed any man to control me. The more I thought about it and the deeper I fell in love, I began to understand his views are not a requirement for me to give up myself but for me to change my ways because a man is now in the house and I no longer need to play the role of both. He suggested we see a relationship counselor, which we have, and he has spoken to several on his own.

The advice he was given is that because of my age, I am basically set in my ways and I WILL NEVER CHANGE. Because of this advice he has ended our relationship (yesterday). He wants a wife and he does not believe I can be the wife he needs me to be. I have read the excerpt from your book "How to Treat a Man Like a Man" I have printed out ten copies and taped them all over my house as reminders especially the part about respect, because when I read the article I thought it was written for me. Everything in it sounded just like things I do.

Angie, I want to change, I want to change not only for him but also for me. I am so tired of carrying this weight of having to be a man and woman in my home. I want so much to take on the role I was meant to take on but I am lost, I am so lost. Can you please carbon copy him on your response because if you feel the same, that I can never change, he should know the truth because I trust your advice above all of the other advice that has been given. Your articles have inspired me to want to change for the man I love.

Marriage Guidance: I appreciate your encouraging words. I also appreciate this question – I can relate to it because I used to feel the same way as you. You want to know if a headstrong, independent woman can become the Christ-honoring and loving wife that God has meant for her to be? The answer is a resounding yes!  I have been there and done that already – this is why I started Heaven Ministries because I felt God was calling me to encourage women and to share with them what I have come to learn through Him.

Changing the way we view the world around us has nothing to do what we have been conditioned into believing. For instance if a parent teaches her daughter how to be independent minded and not in need of a husband’s protection that just means she has not been taught anything else and doesn’t know any better. Even you yourself said that after reading some of my articles was when the concept of submission came into the light for you. 

I hope your fiancée is reading this because anyone can change once they have a better understanding of something, no matter how old they are or what their past is like. If a person can’t grow through Christ and give up the old attitude of believing that women rule over men then that would mean that no one can give up their past and be forgiven and become new people in Christ either! That’s like saying just because someone was an alcoholic for 25 years of their life that they can’t change? People can change if they set their heart and mind to it. People change through Christ to become better people.

How we change is through our growth and relationship in Jesus Christ. We cannot change on our own because then it is for selfish reasons (for self). We can’t change for someone else because later on down the road we’ll feel resentful over it. When we give up our past life, and in this case attitude, and the way we view the world around us, it involves understanding the principles that Christ has laid out for wives and husbands to follow. Anyone who is not now following these principles for their marriage is following ideas that come from the world – this is why many couples aren’t happy and are divorcing – they are following a different design (attitude) for marriage.

If you have the willingness to be the woman/mother/wife that God has meant for you to be, then you just do it. Don’t do it for yourself, or for your future husband, do it for God. By doing it first for God you will be doing for yourself and for your husband. That will be living your purpose for you. Do you see how that works?

If God wanted women to have feministic views, and be something other than what He has already designed for women to be, then there would be another book with His Word in it expressing His desires. But as it is, there is only one bible and one word, and that same word applies today, as it did 2,000 years ago. Nothing has changed with God, even though the culture has changed and has turned marriage and families upside down in the process. Does that mean we have to be like that too? No, it does not.  It does not mean that we have to follow what the crowd is doing.

You say that you are lost but you aren’t lost when you have Jesus Christ and His principles at your fingertips. The real question here is NOT can you change, but do you want to, and are you willing to change? Some people in society have taken the beauty of being a wife and mother and turned it into something women should fear. When a young girl is conditioned into believing that she doesn’t need a man, or that somehow men are inferior to women then she will behave in ways that are rebellious to men, which is what feminism is about.

Please read the article source at the end of this marriage column called The Independent Minded Christian Woman. Print it out – husband and wife should discuss and answer the questions that follow the article together.

I used to think that my husband was trying to control me and I was very headstrong and rebellious too. But I realized, just like you, that he wasn’t trying to control me, but love and protect me in the way he was asked to by God. He was and is only doing his job! If we women take away the purpose and positions of our husbands, what is left but a bossy, headstrong, and rebellious wife. Being independent minded has nothing to do with it. A woman of God can still think for herself and be who she is through the mold that God created her to be. She doesn’t lose anything of herself by allowing her husband to be head of the household, but gains more of herself by knowing exactly where she stands and her role in the marriage.

If we do not accept God’s plan for our life, we will misunderstand the role that God has assigned us for our marriage – to be our husbands helpmate, to support him and love him, and to respect him always, even when we don’t feel like it.  To be submissive and allow him to do his job of being the Captain of the ship without our nagging and demanding interference.

Any wife who treats her man like the man God created him to be will be treated like a queen by her husband. I guarantee it!

And finally for all the Christian husbands reading this. You also have a purpose and a position in your home that should be carried out according to the principles that God has designed. A woman cannot be a lady if you are making her be the man of the home. Or if you are not doing your job outlined for you by God. So you see it works both ways. She needs your encouragement... and ladies your man needs your encouragement. Work together as a team and make your marriage prosper with abundance and blessings.

Answer this question honestly. “If a robber with a gun suddenly broke into your home, would you have your wife get your gun and defend the home, family, and you, or would you do it? That's what I thought. So how is it any different from those predators and bad influences that are outside of the home?

Please email me with additional questions that may have surfaced from this marriage column. God Bless!

In Christ,

Angie

Book Resources:

Love The Woman You Married
Love The Man You Married 

I was told by a reviewer of my book that feminists will be offended by the lifestyle I talk about in my book, Love The Man You Married. Why is that? Well, it shows women how to love their man, and enjoy doing it too. What is so offensive about that? Are they offended because they have experienced abuse by a man, or was controlled by a man, or maybe it is because they have been conditioned to believe that a woman is not an independent thinker unless she bosses men around and wields a little power around in her career? Nothing is further from the truth. You see, this is the FEAR that I was talking about earlier.

 What is submission? Giving up selfishness and rebelliousness and becoming all of the person God wants you to be, so you will be independent enough to let go of the need to control, and submit to another. It's really that simple.

It is so ironic, but it is those women who submit to their husbands freely and lovingly that are the most independent minded! Why is that? These women are not dependent upon things or people to make them feel good about who they are - that's why!

As a Christian woman, this question is especially important to me. Does the Word of God address feminism? The modern concept of feminism was not present during the time that the Bible was written. That does mean that the Bible has nothing to say on the basic issues of feminism. Even when the Scriptures seem to be silent on something that affects us today, there are eternal principles that speak to the underlying issue.

What are the issues of feminism? Feminism is a counterfeit solution to the real issue of the inequality of women in a sinful society. Feminism arrogates to itself the right to demand respect and equality in every aspect of life. Feminism is based in arrogance and it is the opposite of the call to the born again believer to be a servant. The actions of the modern, militant feminists of the last decade were geared to cause women to rise up and rebel against the order that God has given to mankind. That brand of feminism seeks to impose humanistic solutions that are in direct opposition to the Word of God. Feminism was originally a positive movement, focused on giving women the basic rights God intends for every human being to have. Tragically, feminism has gone past those roots to now focus on destroying any trace of a distinction in roles between men and women.

What then should be the view of a Christian about feminism? A believing woman, who is seeking to obey God and walk in peace and grace, should remember that she has equal access to all spiritual blessings in Christ.

 "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus" (Galatians 3:28). 

A believing woman should not allow herself to be a pawn in the worldly agenda of the feminist movement. Men and women have a God-given privilege to fulfill the plan that God has set for us. Rebellion against that plan, and arrogance that seeks to put self above God's Word, results in self-inflicted consequences. We see those consequences in the destruction of the relationship between husbands and wives, the destruction of the family, and the loss of respect for human life.

"For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world" (1 John 2:16). The principles of the fall are present in this verse. Eve believed the lie that eating the fruit would bring her wisdom. She lusted and she took or arrogated to herself something that was forbidden. This is the basis for the movement of feminism. Women have bought into the lie that feminism will bring them what they want, what they think that they "deserve." However, the promise is empty for the premise is based in pride and pride goes before a fall. "Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall" (Proverbs 16:18).

In the last decade there has been the rise of a society that is so concerned with political correctness and so sensitive to being "offended" that civility has lost its way.  However, this is really nothing new for there has always been inequality in this world. It is sad but true that artificial barriers that have no basis in God's Word have always divided humanity. There is only one race, the human race! With in that human race we have male and female, different ethnicities, different colors, and different national origins. However, we are all of the same God created human race. It is sin in the heart that causes inequality. It is sin in the heart that causes men to treat women in ways that are meant to demean. It is sin that sets one person above another. And it is sin that seeks to use counterfeit solutions to counteract these inequalities. The only true cure for inequality is obedience to God's Word. If men and women would walk in obedience to God's word, feminism would be unmasked for what it is, and the harmony that God has ordained for the relationship between men and women would be the result.

Recommended Resource: Love The Man You Married 

Would a feminist make a good marriage spouse? They might be compatible with a man who does not care about his God-given position as a husband, but for the sincere Christian husband, who takes his position has head in the marriage seriously, she would not make a good wife and that is because her career and personal advancement is more important to her than her responsibilities as a wife and mother. 

Christian Husband’s And Their 
God-Given Calling

It’s the twenty first Century and women all over the world are vying for top gun positions in the political arena, and entering the killing fields of the US Military. What is wrong with this picture?  Will these women in high positions really make a difference? They will for the world and what the world stands for. But in God's kingdom of heaven, women are the center and balance of the family life and home. Good women are needed in this area now, more than ever.

I do know this much, feminism makes a negative influence within the sphere of marriage and family values. I find it strange that women are often wondering why men are afraid to commit to marriage! 

This is an ironic arrangement here, since women are jumping into marriage even though they have high aspirations for themselves as a career woman, and divorce rates are skyrocketing. Um, I wonder if it has anything to do with it?

The cycle of feminism is a rebellious and ungodly way to think, believe and live and unfortunately someone always loses out during these phases or cycles of life--basically it is Godly family life. 

What Can the Sincere Christian do 
About Feminism? 

 "Come out of her my people"...says the LORD

Feminism Starts in the Home and Schools

Feminism starts in the home and in the schools and in some churches. Even Christians parents promote feminism to their daughters. They don't realize that pushing them out to go to college is pushing them away from family values and into the world of ungodly values. Not only that but they are pushing her away from them as her protectors. Who is going to protect her once she lives on her own and goes to college? 

Many parents are oblivious to the fact that over half of all women, who are sent away to college are abused in some way by men. Is that what you want for your daughter?

The way a wife honors and respects her husband in front of the children is extremely important. If a son sees his mother dominating and behaving over-bearing with his father, he will be discouraged from his God-given position as head of the home. He won't man up to His responsibilities and protect and care for his wife in the way Christ does the church. Is that what we want for our sons? And if a daughter sees her mother disrespecting her father she will more readily to the same with her husband when she gets married.