Godly Courtship and Preparation for Marriage Newsletter December 8

Godly Courtship and Preparation for Marriage Newsletter
December 8, 2011

Dear Subscribers,

First, we would like to apologize for not publishing a newsletter in the last six months. We have been quite busy with our move to South America. We are now getting somewhat settled in and have made some time to send out a newsletter. To find out more about our adventures in Cuenca Ecuador, visit our “Discover Cuenca” blog or You Tube Discover Ecuador playlist.

Marriage and Family Values Still Exist in Cuenca Ecuador

I’ve read that some expats to Cuenca compare Ecuador’s moral culture to what North America used to be like back in the 1950’s. Was this the “leave it to beaver” era? One of the reasons we chose to move to Cuenca Ecuador was because of the family oriented culture and conservative values. It is not unusual to find Ecuadorian adult children still living at home until they are married. In the U.S it is anticipated that young people once they reach the age of 18 to move out, even when they are not married! But this makes it easier for young people to shack up before they are ready to make a commitment, unless the parents taught them values and morals about remaining a virgin for their new wife or husband, which some parents do, but many do not.

Young people here do go to college, if this is what is decided between them and the parents but most of these young people still live at home and help out with the family business. If a young person is not yet married they don’t move out and get their own apartment and live as if they have no accountability. Sadly, in the U.S many young people move out to test their independence from mom and dad and behave as if they have no accountability. I’m not saying that all young people do this, but a lot of them do. Many young people ruin their lives over this testing.

There is no need to be independent from mom and dad here in Ecuador. The young people are not striving to get away from mom and dad either. In fact the attitude is quite different here. And mom and dad are not pushing their children out of the home the minute they turn 18 either. The culture in Cuenca shows the importance of family; they are always out together walking around, eating out, shopping together and the whole family holds hands. It’s beautiful! It’s not uncommon to see Father’s and daughters holding hands lovingly together as they go about their day. Now, that’s a sight for sore eyes because you never, ever see this in the U.S. anymore. In fact, if an older man is seen holding hands with his daughter in the U.S, people would think he is a pervert or cradle robber.

Most Ecuadorian father’s protect their daughters by loving them with “tough love” rather than being not interested or absent in their lives. And because fathers take their fatherhood role with such importance here, it makes sense then that when the daughters get married they are not defiant with their own husband’s for independence. They let their husband’s take the lead and be the man! This is one of the keys to a happy marriage. Study after study has been done that shows when a young woman respects her father and when the father protects his daughter through whatever means he deems appropriate, then when she is married she will treat her husband as the head over her with respect.

The rates of divorce in Ecuador are much, much lower than what they are in the US. See the divorce rate chart here. The married men take their position as head of the household with great importance in Latin America. And most wives do not undermine their husband’s masculinity by being bossy and belittling, because quite frankly, the men don’t let them get away with such irreverent behavior like they do in the U.S. In fact, the women here respect their husband’s position as the head, and this is one major reason for far less divorce in Latin American society. However, things do change over time but we do not see it happening over night or even in the next decade. For now, morals and values are still in the 1950’s here, at least for the most part.

Is the culture perfect here? No, it is not. A problem with most Latin American culture is the womanizing by some of the men, even if they are married. Not all men do it, but some of them do. It seems that it is ok for married men to flirt but if the married women do it, it’s another thing. Most Latin women are conservative and wouldn’t dare flirt with a man when she is married. The view that it is ok for married men to womanize is flawed and morally corrupt. It just goes to show that no place in the world is perfect. It shows us that we have to create who we are in heart and mind (values and morals) through our personal relationship with our Creator. It is not wise for a married man to womanize because it harms his relationship with God, with his wife, and with himself. God’s wisdom for our lives is far more precious than anything else on this earth.

For the most part here in Ecuador the men treat their women like ladies and the ladies behave feminine. When a woman allows her man to be the man she is behaving feminine. This is recorded in the bible as that of being her husband’s help meet. (Genesis 3:18) If she is not behaving as a feminine lady then she is not helping her husband to meet his position as the man in the marriage. Most women here wear pants rather than a dress, but they don’t act like they wear the pants in the marriage.

Understand that it’s not so much what a woman wears that makes her feminine its how she treats her husband—it’s in her behavior. She may look more feminine when she wears a dress, but it is “what’s in her heart” that really counts. In other words, wearing a dress is not going to make a woman more feminine than she already is within her being.

When I use the term feminine, I’m not saying that a woman can’t fix a broken doorknob or leaky kitchen faucet either, or even chop wood. What I am saying is a feminine wife allows her husband to be the man and she works beside him rather than fighting for her independence from him like many feminists are doing in the U.S.

In the U.S marriage is quite opposite of team players as we see how the role of feminism is perverting the U.S culture. Many North American and European women and wives are oblivious to this subversion of marriage and family and think it is just the way it is supposed to be. But God made them male and female for a reason. Two males in the same household will almost always butt heads, as will two females. What ruins marriage is two captains butting heads all the time without regard to each other. This is not team players! This is what the divorce courts like to call “irreconcilable differences” in marriage. But what it really is, is irreconcilable differences to God’s wisdom for their lives.

In Ecuador most families work together in their own mom and pop type business. Here in Cuenca, bread and other baked good shops line the streets and there are five and dime type stores and mini marts everywhere. There are family run restaurants, craft shops, hardware stores and custom built furniture stores. It is not unusual for the family business to be on the bottom floor of a building while the living quarters are on the second floor. This working together teaches the young people the importance of work, marriage and family.

Don’t get me wrong, when a son or daughter marries, of course they move into their own apartment or house and they have their own lives, but they may still work in the family business helping out their mom and dad when they can, and they still have family get together’s, and most of them don’t move hundreds or thousands of miles away. People are happy here. Very rarely are there family feuds among Latin American’s. People are quick to forgive and forget and love one another. Sadly, this is something that rarely exists with North Americans this day and age. I believe we can all learn something from the Latin American culture about marriage and family.

Take care and God bless!

In Christ,
Frank and Angie
Heaven Ministries ~ Godly Courtship
http://www.heavenministries.org

Heaven Ministries ~ Marriage Healing Ministry
http://www.heavenministries.com