Godly Courtship in Preparation to Marriage

August 23, 2012


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Facebook, a Worldly Trap! Are You Getting Sucked in? (Part 1)

Most people don’t like to talk about it. Instead they sweep it under the rug and there it stays until something negative happens in their life. Most people do not realize that the big white elephant in their homes is FACEBOOK. And that’s the reality.

Some young people may not like what I am about to say about patronizing Facebook and other social networks like Facebook.  In fact, some of you may decide to just unsubscribe after you read what I have to say about Facebook, but please bear with me on this.  If you have questions or concerns email me and I will be happy to talk with you.  

Why Facebook Can Be Harmful

Over the last 12-years we (Heaven Ministries Marriage Ministry) have received hundreds of emails from married men and women who said that their spouse has opposite sex friends on Facebook and it is causing a rift between them and this is putting it in a mild and nice way. You do not want me to go into detail but it is not pretty.

This is more common than you think. We even did a video about how Facebook can cause problems in marriage.

But I’m Not Married So It Won’t Cause a Problem for Me

***Many of you reading this are not married, yet, and so you may think having or starting an online friendship won’t hurt. But the truth is Facebook is the last place where you would want to meet people, and I mean the last place!

***Starting out at a young age having private friends on Facebook will make you think that when you are married it is ok to continue having a private Facebook account and this is where the problem begins in marriage. It is called accountability. Even single people need to be accountable to someone.  Christian-single people are first and foremost accountable to God. How is your accountability to God when you are on Facebook? Answer the questions below and you will come to find out if you are showing proper accountability as a Christ-one to God.  

1.     What do you use Facebook for? 

2.     What is the purpose for your Facebook account?

3.     Do you really need facebook?

4.     How many of your friends on Facebook are your true personal friends you see in your daily life?

5.     Do your Facebook friends make you a better Christian?

6.     Does Facebook further your growth in the LORD?

7.     Do your Facebook friends take the place of God in your life?

8.     What do you talk about on Facebook that you cannot talk about with your physical friends or with your parents?

9.      Are you helping others to Christ when you are on Facebook?

10.                         Do your friends see Jesus Christ working in you when you are on Facebook?

You are the only one who can answers these questions, but they need to be answered with complete honesty. Then evaluate your position as a Christian. I mean REALLY evaluate your relationship to the Lord.  Only when we get right with God will we truly understand how detrimental Facebook actually can be in our lives as a wife, a woman, a husband, a man, or single person.

Why Facebook is Harmful for Single Christians

Hiding what you are doing from your parents – if you won’t let your parents see what you are posting than you are hiding something from them. This kind of relationship becomes second nature to you and you’ll end up hiding things from your spouse as well.

Keeping secrets from your parents is how an attitude of deception begins when married.  Having a private Facebook account from your spouse is deception because if you were not doing anything in which to hide you would share your password. The attitude is that you think it is ok to have a private Facebook account from your spouse. You justify there is nothing wrong with it.

Pretending to be someone you are not – People behave differently in person. People say things they would not on their Facebook page. This perhaps makes you be someone you really are not. If you would not say or behave a certain way with someone in person then why would you say something or behave a certain way like that on facebook?

Think of all the fakey people you are connected with on facebook? Do they really behave that way? Would they say these things if you met them in person? Are they really who they say they are? I could go on and on here.

Did you know that God knows and sees everything you say and do on Facebook? You cannot hide from God.

Enjoying the attention – young people, and a lot of adults too, have this dire need to fit in and be praised by others. What they don’t know is what they are trying to “fit into” can be dangerous to your spiritual health as a Christian. We forget that we are Gods children and it does not matter what people think of us; what matter is what God thinks of us.  

Can’t wait to get on Facebook  (addiction) – Some people are so allured by all the attention and the praise they receive from Facebook that they cannot stop checking for new posts throughout the day, this is called addiction. It is an addiction for praise and attention from others. Most young people do not know this but 95% of the attention and praise one gets on Facebook is false and fakey! People are only like that because they too want attention and to be flattered and noticed by all the friend connections they have. This is what Facebook is all about!

False Friends - This one collaborates with everything I’ve been saying. Some people have 300 and 500, or more friends on Facebook. But in real life they really only have a handful of friends and only about one or two of that handful are even real friends .

So then…who are all the friends you have connected with on Facebook?  These people you share information with, do you know them personally? Of course not, no one knows 300 people personally. These are the people you are fakey with and they are fakey with you back! This is what Facebook is all about!

These are the friends you have never met who you receive notifications from, attention, from, game apps from, false praise from and sometimes things said that you would not want your parents or significant other to see. What is that all about? Well, it is part of the addiction of Facebook-it is dangerous and harmful, even when you are NOT married!

Facebook is Emotionally/Spritiually/Physically Harmful to Marriage

Facebook can be emotionally and psychologically Harmful to the one-flesh of marriage -  Facebook is a tool of selfishness for people to use for their own vanity and desires and it has become apparent that if a person peruses these sites BEFORE they are married it continues even after they are married, and this is when you see the affects of how detrimental it really can be.

It is NOT ok to Have a Private Facebook from Your Spouse

When God unites two people together for the purpose of marriage it is a oneness of emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical unity. Do you realize the implications of Gods unity (one flesh) being broken? Having a private Facebook account is NOT BIBLICAL! The consequences are real and devastating. I know this first hand, we have a marriage healing ministry and the emails I receive are devastating. This subject is not to be taken lightly if you want a marriage based upon Gods design and principles.

Many married couples are breaking the one flesh of marriage because of their desires and addictions for Facebook. And this is not directed to Facebook only but to all other social networks, forums, chats and messengers!  

Actually, the truth is an online program cannot break apart marriages; what breaks apart marriages is the people in the marriage who use these online websites for their own vanity, selfishness, and desires!  Where is the accountability, if not to yourself, and others, but to God?!

Christians Should NOT Even be on Facebook!

Facebook is a Worldly Trap - We feel that Christians, married or single should stay away from these kinds of traps and lures of the world because they may snare you in and catch you off your Christ-centered guard. 

We need to evaluate our position with Christ. Are we following Jesus with all of our heart, mind, or soul, or are we following Facebook with all of our heart, mind and soul?  Does Jesus like what you are doing on Facebook? Would Jesus say or behave in the way you are on Facebook?

Whatever happened to connecting with people by using good-old fashion telephone or meeting your real friends at the movies or other function? Look at the list of friends you now have on your Facebook page? Would you be friends with them in person? Are they the type of people you would take home to meet mom and dad? Would you let them baby sit your children?

If you answered no to just one of the above questions, then why have them as friends on your Facebook? Do you see now, how Facebook is a farce, a sham, a front for people?

So Then what is Facebook Good for?

If married couples share Facebook as a means to stay connected with family and maybe friends, if they BOTH agree to connect with them then, MAYBE Facebook has a useful purpose. Other than that, it is pretty much useless and destructive for single people as well as married folks.

Now remember though, it is not Facebook in itself that causes problems in our lives.  How could an online program outright cause marital issues or emotional problems for single people…?

Facebook is a tool that people use to achieve that which they desire. So with that said, you may need to evaluate your Christians stance and do what needs to be done to heal yourself and develop a relationship with your Savior, if you are a Christian. Do we desire the things of God or the things which come from the world?  It is the Holy Spirit of Jesus Christ with keeps us from desiring that which is in and of the world.

Your questions and comments are welcome. We hope this newsletter has enlightened you in some way. Stay tuned for part 2 , “A New Perspective and Perception about Facebook and Single / Married Life.

IN Christ,
Frank and Angie
Heaven Ministries - Godly Courtship in Preparation to Marriage

Heaven Ministries – Marriage Healing Ministry

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