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Articles The Dating Attitude vs. Godly Courtship Attitude How to Know if They Are the One For You? Are You Prepared for the Daily Commitment of Marriage?
How To Prepare For a Rock Solid Marriage ~ Scriptural Romance and Godly Courtship
God wants for
us to
seek romance and have a life spouse to love and care for, but not at
the expense of our mind or body. God's plan for the Christian is
exactly the opposite of what most believers seek when looking for
their soul mate. This Ebook will
show you how to prepare for a lifetime marriage. |
The Dating Attitude vs. Godly Courtship Attitude
Have you ever dated someone and thought they were “the one”
for you? Sometimes the person
we believe to be “the one” for us doesn’t even have any good
character qualities, such as respect of parents or have a good
relationship with God. What makes us think we are in love with someone who
is clearly NOT compatible for us? Oddly enough, sometimes the least likely
person for us is the person we believe we want to spend the rest of our
life with! How can this be?! This happens because we are letting our emotions direct the
relationship. We aren’t really looking into the future, but only living
for the feelings we have today in our heart. We believe that our feelings
tell us who is right for us, but this is where many of us go wrong in the
relationship department and end up getting hurt and heartbroken. The
sad truth is many people marry very unsuitable and very unlikely people
for them based on their emotions, because the dating process deceived
them! The above is what the dating attitude does to us and we don’t even
realize it. This is because no one has ever taught us anything else! All
we know is that to meet someone we have to “go out on a date” with
them. But “going out on a date” does not actually prepare us for
marriage because anyone can be anything they want and they can say
anything to make you like them. When you date, you don’t really find out
about “who” someone is because dating is all about becoming
emotionally and sexually involved and that’s it! A person who is only after one thing surely doesn't care about "who you are" or "how your relationship is with your parents or with God". They don't care if they cross over the line and defraud your body because all they care about is getting their sexual and emotional needs met! They don't care about the commitment of marriage. No, all they care about is feeling good through you, which is deception and fraud according to scripture. Many people equate lust with love but they are two very different things with different actions and behaviors tied to them. The world has a superficial and selfish view of love, which has contaminated our understanding of what REAL LOVE is. The culture believes that love is something that makes us FEEL good and that it’s acceptable to sacrifice moral principles to obtain such love. But in doing so this culture IS NOT obtaining the love characteristic but the lustful ones. Society is deceiving itself with each other! "It is God's will that you should be sanctified (set apart): that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God, and that in this matter no one should WRONG his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you." 1 Thessalonians 4:3-6 New International Version Bible Here is what the King James Bible reads: "For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication: that every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honor; not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God: That no man go beyond and DEFRAUD his brother in any matter" because the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also have forewarned you and testified." Scripture tells us that it is God's will that we separate ourselves from the world and be sanctified and be made holy with Him. The only way we can do this is if we allow Him to do His job and care for us by following what He says for our lives. We have to follow God's standards for living, not Christian societies standards for living--they too have been deceived. We have to give up self and be reborn with Christ in His kingdom. Then we can seek, with much prayer, patience and guidance, compatible and suitable marriage spouses within His kingdom. We can find like-minded friends who share in the same perception of God as ourselves. We can find friends who share in the same Godly courtship attitude as ourselves. Here’s a good way to find out the difference between a dating attitude
and courtship attitude. Dating Attitude The dating attitude only cares about what he or she can receive from the
other. It is based on emotions and feeling good. Once the feelings of
desire wane, they move on into a new sexual/emotional relationship. Dating almost
always involves being alone and sexual with someone. Dating is actually a
very disrespectful way to meet people. Very rarely is there any “real
love” or commitment in a dating relationship. Ironically, hose people who confuse love and lust and get married, usually end up getting divorced because they think they are "not in love" with their spouse anymore; this is because the feelings of lust have faded and they don't know how to love, because they don't know what REAL love is!! Love
must be sincere. (Romans 12:9 NIV) Godly Courtship Attitude The Godly courtship attitude cares about the future with a person. He or
she does not want anything from this person except to get to know them. Through common activities
they share, they get to know each other based on respect and love of God.
Godly Courtship always involves other people because of the shared
activity, hobby, sport, etc. Not until there is a commitment for marriage
are there any emotions shared with each other, ideally. The number one wisest thing you can do before letting yourself become
emotionally attached to someone is to truly get to know them. Pray
about new friendships of the opposite sex and ask God to guide you in the
right direction. Remember; always keep your emotions in check. Ask God to
help you with this and He will provide. God doesn’t want you to marry
someone that is not suitable for you in marriage—He will lead you if you
let Him. Make God your first love and He will make sure your earthly love
is someone who will treat you right and take care of you according to
God’s ways for marriage. Secondly, bring your friends of the opposite sex home to meet your
parents and do not rush into anything without first talking to them about
this new relationship. Parents will often see character traits, whether
they are good or bad, in your friends that you will fail to see. This is
because emotions literally cloud our judgment, especially if we think
we’re in love or think this person is “the one” for us. Hopefully
you did not let the relationship progress that far without a firm
commitment to marriage Parents do not have any emotion invested in the person you are thinking
about pursuing further in a courtship relationship. Christian parents will
see things that you will not. Godly courtship never rushes into anything
without first getting to know the person, praying about the relationship
and getting parents opinion. It doesn’t matter how old you are, most of
the time your parents will be wiser than you because they have been
through issues that you have not. If your parents have a good relationship with God, then they will have
good insight into considering suitable partners for their son or daughter.
This doesn’t mean they have
to “choose” the person you are going to marry but it does mean that it
is respectful to involve your parents in your life. Eloping or getting
married without a parents blessing or consent is rude and disrespectful.
Society has turned family life into something ungodly. many young people
and their parents think that the minute they reach the age of 18 they must
hurry up and move out. But this is a bad idea for many reasons, which will
be discussed in another newsletter. Ideally,
children should remain in the home until they get married, it doesn’t
matter what age they are. Fathers
should be the protector of their daughter until she has a husband who can
then take over that role. Adult children should be respectful and honor
their parents, helping around the home in all areas that are needed. As you can see, the dating attitude is purely for selfish reasons;
receiving something from the other, but the Godly courtship attitude never
allows these types of feelings to override wisdom and knowledge from God.
God will provide us with the wisdom to choose wisely, and to never allow
our emotions to rule our relationships with the opposite sex. How to Know If They Are the One For You In 2 Timothy 22 apostle Paul tells us to "flee from the evil desires of our youth", meaning do not "go out on a date" where we know the desires that Paul is talking about usually get met. As Christ Ones our attitude should be one of respect and brotherly and sisterly love in the Lord through building friendships that last. Dating usually does not build very good friendships because dating is a selfish way to get to know people, but it does create heartache and then defensive behavior because of being hurt so often. If someone wants to have sex with you at anytime during a relationship, they are perusing the desires in which Paul is talking about. Scripturally speaking, to please God we should be fleeing from these desires, and the only way to do that is to NOT date and to get rid of the attitude of dating that has been so entrenched within our minds from society! It's pure brainwash. I'm not talking about building friendships with the opposite sex here, because that is a normal way to find a suitable marriage spouse. What I'm referring to is dating--being alone with the wrong person and letting your emotions hang out on the table for all to take advantage of. According to God's standards that He has put forth for His people, fornication is a sin just like adultery is a sin. We are to "run from such situations" and learn to respect one another's body and mind. It is quite alright to appreciate a man's handsomeness and a woman's beauty but it is not alright to desire others in lustful ways, thinking their body belongs to us, because it creates an attitude that keeps us trapped within sinfulness. What we think in our mind will eventually come out in our actions. This is why Jesus said that lusting after a woman is adultery of the heart. When we use other people to get our sexual and or emotional needs met, we are defrauding them. Here are two areas of a person's character that single Christian people should look for in a future spouse. of course there are other character traits that one can look for but if these two are met then most of the other traits cannot be all that bad. 1) Relationship with God? Anyone who has a good relationship with God will most likely be a good spouse because they understand their role in marriage and hopefully they will be convicted in their heart to always make God come first in their life so they will be happy in their marriage and have abundant blessings. Remember: marriage belongs to God--it is set apart for God's purpose and when we strive to live by God's design in our marriage it will be very healthy indeed. 2) Relationship with parents. If he or she respects parents then the chances are they will respect the person they marry. If a daughter listens to her dad's discipline and protection for her, she is more likely to be submissive to her husband and let Him love her in the ways that God designed. If a son is disrespectful with his mother and rebellious to his father, the chances are he will have a difficult time sometime in the marriage respecting his wife. Now understand these are just generalities, but it is always a good idea to marry people who have good relationships with parents because it shows a spiritual and emotional maturity. Are You Prepared for the Daily Commitment of Marriage? Just because we are adults, can work outside the home, go to college and drive, it certainly does not prepare us for the commitment of marriage. Sadly most Christian college folks come out after four years of college without a clue on how to stay married. In fact, they are now more unprepared than when they were still living at home. This is because societies feministic attitude, which runs rampant in colleges today, pushed aside any Christian family values they may have had. If society is rallying for women to earn better pay and teaching women they don't need a man, how is that going to sit with a spiritually undeveloped mind? Remember, God made them male and female, not female and female, and God created woman to be a helpmeet to her husband; anything other than this is not God's intention. Marriage is a daily commitment to forgive, love, respect and care for your spouse, even when times are not so great. If you don't believe that marriage takes a daily commitment than you are not ready to get married. It's really that simple. Usually when people get married they think they are prepared for the daily commitment of marriage, but actually they don't understand what commitment is. Why do you think half of all marriages end in divorce? I'll tell you why there is so many divorces. Couples walk into marriage wearing rosy colored glasses--basically they are unprepared. Marriage is NOT always going to make you feel good. There will be ups and downs in the marriage, but if you keep focused on God as the Captain of your marriage, and you are convicted in your heart to resolve issues when they come up, you will mend these problems in marriage and become more mature and more knowledgeable marriages spouses for each other! Divorce is the easy way out. It's like what Pontius Pilate (Matthew 27:24) did when he washed his hands of Jesus' blood--he didn't want to have anything to do with Jesus because he knew Jesus didn't do anything to merit death, so he gave Jesus to the religious leaders and they had him killed. This is what many do with their marriages, they wash their hands of the marriage and hand it over to the state to get crucified. But have you ever wondered, how can something that "belongs to God" be handed over to another entity just like that? is that possible? No, it is not possible. "What God has joined together, let man not separate. (Matthew 19:6). Scripture reveals to us that remarriage is considered adultery because we're still married to our first spouse! (Luke 16:18) God hates divorce...in fact God wants us to be committed to our marriage for life because He designed marriage to be permanent. Read our FREE ebook Permanency of Marriage ~ The Teachings of Jesus Christ on Divorce and Remarriage. Couples who are mature spiritually and emotionally are better equipped to deal with problems if and when they arise in marriage and in this way they keep their marriage from getting crucified by the bureaucracies of society. We shouldn't get married thinking that if it doesn't work out we can divorce our spouse, we should get married knowing that God hates divorce! We encourage you to not jump into marriage thinking you can opt out of the contract with God like so many do today. Know in your heart that marriage is for a lifetime and be convicted to remain married and to glorify your marriage to God because after all, marriage belongs to God. God Bless Everyone Heaven Ministries ~ Marriage Healing
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