How to Prepare for a Rock Solid Marriage!
Marry in the LORD        

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there with Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people. 
(2 Corinthians 6"14-16

 

Angie’s Marriage Column 
October 28, 2009

Below is one example of heartache and despair of why believers in Jesus Christ should marry other believers in Jesus Christ.

Angie's Marriage Column
December 2, 2009 

“In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us”. (Titus 2:7-8)

Angie’s Marriage Column 
January 23, 2008 

Below is just another example of why believers should marry believers

Ask Angie: I am a Christian since I was a child but I walked away from the Lord and I lived chaotic time of my life, but I have repented. I married a man who is an unbeliever one year ago and he left me three months after we married. He said he did not love me and I have not seen him again. I do not know where he is... What can I do? I do not believe in divorce, but I am 30 and I want to have children and a family. I love my husband and I am depressed.

Christian people said to me that I married without God's will and I cannot ask for restoration if it was wrong from beginning because I know I disobeyed. (2 Corinthians 6:14-15 "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers...”) Then am I condemned to live alone? Will I pay my rebellion all my life without hope? Cannot I ask for God's mercy and He wants to restore my marriage? God knows and He can do everything, but what does God want to do in my case?

Marriage Guidance: I’m very sorry that you are suffering through such a time in your life. The truth is God wants your marriage to be restored even if you are married to an unbeliever.

It’s true that God wants us to marry in the Lord but that does not mean that He does not want your marriage restored. God takes marriage very seriously and He wants your marriage restored. Marriage is permanent and that means even if you made the mistake of marry an unbeliever, you are still married to them for life.

To the married I give this command (not I but the Lord). A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. (1 Corinthians 7:10)

The bible teaches that if we are married to an unbeliever and they are ‘pleased” to stay married then the believer must not divorce him or her. But if the unbeliever leaves, let them leave because in all seriousness, what can you do?

“But if the unbeliever leaves (such as in your case) let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. (1 Corinthians 7:13)

Many people take the above verse as a loophole for divorce, but it is not. This verse is not talking about divorce it is talking about letting the unbeliever leave without compromising your own faith. Some marriages, very few of them, may end up such as this. The believing spouse must let the unbeliever go, especially if they are sinning against the marriage in some way.  If the unbeliever insists on leaving, let them leave.

If your spouse has abandoned you, you are still married to him or her. If your spouse won’t stop in their adulterous affair, you are still married to him or her. If your spouse wants to leave, let them leave. But even though this may be the case in your situation, you are not free to remarry because in God’s eyes you are still married to another, even if they cannot be found or are married to another. Marrying another, even if you get a state divorce is considered adultery.

Jesus said, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man she commits adultery. (Mark 10:10)

You asked our ministry if you are condemned to live alone?” 

A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. In my judgment she is happier if she stays as she is—and I think that I too have the Spirit of God.  (1 Corinthians 7:39)

No, you are not condemned to live alone but you might physically live alone if your husband does not return to the marriage. we always have the peace and contentment from the Holy Spirit in us. We must pray about it and ask Christ to help us in our sufferings. 

God does not condemn us in this world because we are free to make our own choices. If we choose to marry an unbeliever there will be consequences to that choice—it has nothing to do with God condemning us—it has to do with the results of our actions condemning us. God does not condemn, it is our actions that do the condemning.

God is Love! Our creator would never do anything to upset a hair on your head, in fact…God will try and help you to make things right, if you would put your trust in Him and begin a personal relationship with Him. Our awesome God is a loving God who only wants what is best for you and for your husband.

God wants you to stay married to your husband because someday you may be able to help your husband become a believer. In the beginning, and it is the same today, God made marriage for his purpose and it is set apart for Him and that purpose. God has made marriage holy even if there is only one believing spouse in the marriage. When two people become married they become one flesh, which cannot be separated even by abandonment or divorce.

Instead of looking at this situation as something without hope, look at it with a different perspective and see what it is you can do to change the circumstances for yourself for the better. Make the most of your life now. Take a look at the guidance below and see if you can come up with ways to better your situation at this time in your life.

* What can you do for God while being separated from your husband at this time? What is God’s will for your life being married but not living with your husband? Would this be a good time to generate a closer relationship with Jesus Christ?

* What does God want you to do? God talks a lot about long-suffering, patience and perseverance—could it be that this is the attitude you should wear? When we endure suffering and pain as you are at this time and we do what’s right in the sight of God, it builds character and makes us stronger in the Lord.

How can you help others who are going through similar circumstances as yourself? Perhaps you can find the needed encouragement to guide other women who are suffering and give them a glimmer of hope when all looks so hopeless. Write a book, story, article or essay about your circumstances and your growth in Jesus. Volunteer your time in what service God has given you.

* Do you have more time to do the things of the Lord now since you are not busy doing things that a wife and mother must do?

* Work on healing yourself and finding your comfort and needs through Christ. The Holy Spirit of Jesus Christ is with you—all you have to do is accept His truths and follow Him.

* Pray for your husband that he may come into the Lord and accept Christ for his life.

* If your husband does not return and reconcile the marriage, in what other ways could you surround yourself with children and or become a mother. Perhaps you could help children who are in need, or you could adopt a child. Pray about it and trust that God will provide when He is ready.

You asked, “Will I pay for my rebellion all my life without hope?”

If you have repented for your disobedience by marrying an unbeliever then you have been forgiven. So where is the rebellion now? God is not making you pay for anything. Remember what I said, If we choose to marry an unbeliever there will be consequences to that choice—it has nothing to do with God condemning us—it has to do with the results of our actions condemning us.

God asks us to put our hope in Him. Do you know why? Because when we put our hope in things of the world we will become discouraged, hopeless, depressed, and feel needless pain and suffering. But when we our hope is in Him we are spiritually uplifted, encouraged, and filled with hope. If you have put your trust in God for your life then you have hope!

But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will sour on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. (Isaiah 40:31)

You ask, “What does God want to do in my case?”

The bible teaches us to be patient and wait on Him for the guidance and answers we need. Be encouraged knowing that you can go to God for your comforts and needs because He knows what you need better than you yourself. Ask God and He will provide.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. (Matthew 11:28-29)

God Bless!
Angie and Frank
Heaven Ministries
~ Marriage Healing Ministry

Ask Angie:  I am a woman striving to live a pleasing life for the Lord, I am also trying to teach my sons to do the same. My Husband is backslidden and it is very difficult and probably confusing to my kids because they are being influenced by good and evil. How do I deal with this?

Marriage Guidance: Why or what do you think has caused your husband to backslide? If you can you may need to eliminate “it” from your lives. God tells us to literally RUN from temptation because we may succumb to it overtime. We have a duty as Christians to recognize where we are the weakest and stay away from those things and people as much as humanly possible. In fact when we remove our selves from tempting areas in our life, we are behaving physically and spiritually courageous. 

A person’s faith may be weak in certain areas if they are unable to not sin when around people or things that are associated with that weakness. For example if you are newly sober you wouldn’t want to socialize in places where alcohol is served or even hang around with people that over indulge themselves with alcohol. Run from it!! Be spiritually and physically courageous and run—fast!

In the same way if your spouse is addicted to shopping you wouldn’t want to hand them the check book either. If your spouse is addicted to porn you may want to get rid of the families computers until healing takes place. In the same way, if your spouse is rebellious to Christ’s marriage commands you wouldn’t want them to be associating with unbelievers who will only continue to sway their faith and trust in God for your marriage.

It is difficult for a true believer to backslide once they have already given their life to God; unless of course, they only think they have given their life to the Lord. Or they have stopped acting on God’s principles for their life. One way to know for sure is to look for the fruits. Were there blessings before your husband backslid and now they are gone? True believers trust their whole being with God and will have abundant blessings enter their lives because of that trust. We have to continually seek out God’s will for our lives because God knows what is best for us in all areas of our life.

Do you think that friends, work associates, or extended family are discouraging your husband from seeking the Lord? Amazingly friends and family can discourage us from following the Lord because they aren’t walking in the Lord themselves. Hanging around with the wrong people can get us into trouble. You would think it only happens with kids, but adults too, can fall away or turn aside from God if they are not careful.

What does it mean to backslide? Backsliding means you have become unfaithful in your actions somehow. A person who backslides is no longer living consistent with his or her beliefs.  Instead of putting your faith and trust with God you have chosen to put your trust in self. Many Christians are deceived daily by worldly affairs, events and interactions that take them off guard and away from the Lord. They think they are doing something good and right, but if it is not of God then it is of the world and in the long run can make us sin and walk in error. Great discernment is needed here.

Believers who move away from their faith in the Lord, for whatever reason, are in serious trouble and need to repent. Scripture urges Christians to help backsliders return to God. “My brothers, if one of you should wander from the Truth and someone should bring him back remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins”. (James 5:19-20)

Do you want to strive to do what’s right? Pray for your husband. By praying for your husband and acting in love it is possible for you to bring your husband back to God and into Christ’s forgiveness. “Again I tell you if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them”. (Matthew 18:19-20)

Your good example and good works will always prevail over sin. Children are a lot more aware and prone to doing right than we sometimes give them credit for. Children understand between right and wrong at a young age. If one parent has backslidden it is up to the faithful parent to tactfully talk to them about how this may have happened. When talking about the issue at hand don’t focus so much on the negative aspect of the sin but what you can do together to help the backslider come back to God.

Do not falter in your own faith because of the sins of your spouse. Ask God to give you strength to do what is right and continue to be the main spiritual example for your children—they will benefit greatly from your good actions in the Lord. Pray for your husband with your children—that is a good example for sure.

Be encouraging to your husband and let him see you and the children studying the bible together and singing and praising the Lord every day! (Psalm 147:7) Continue to stay faithful to God no matter what. Live God’s Word through your actions. God’s word is not only something we read, but something we must do every single day! Christ Ones must LIVE the Word in their actions. Belief, faith, and trust must have hands and feet.

“So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this worlds rather than on Christ”. (Colossians 2:6-8)

In Christ,
Angie and Frank

Heaven Ministries ~ 
Marriage Healing Ministry

 

Ask Angie:  I am saved and married to an unsaved husband who isn't even trying to walk with the Lord...it's very frustrating...he makes horrible decisions that affect me and our children...decisions that he could get into legal trouble...I'm trying to stay positive about being married to him but honestly feeling that it's not going to get any better...only worse...what can I do? How can I still love God and deal with an unsaved husband who just won't do right? Should I divorce him? I know that God hates divorce but how do I stay married to a man who's lifestyle contradicts mine...he curses, gambles, and so many other things that are not godly but he's also loving, caring and unselfish.

 

Marriage Guidance: God’s ideal for marriage is for couples to stay together – even if one spouse is an unbeliever.  Your first priority as a believer is to love God and do His will…then you will be able to appreciate your husband in a more loving way. God’s will is for you to do nothing but be a loving and respectful wife. The more we go by our own understanding and try to change others and control outcomes, the more they will rebel against us. God has put you just where He wants you to be. God has a purpose for marriage situations such as this. Understand that “YOU” are the center of that purpose.

 

I know what you are thinking. You think it sounds contradictory to treat an unbeliever with kindness and love. But in actuality it is the BEST way to bring the unbeliever to accept Christ for their life. You win people to Christ by being LOVE and behaving in LOVING ways. Period!

 

The best thing you can do is UNDERSTAND what your role is as being (the) believer in the marriage. God wishes the believing spouse to be a loving example to try and win the unbeliever to Christ. The fact that your husband is unsaved is not something you can control - your only responsibility is be as supportive and loving to your husband as you possibly can. That is God’s will for your life as a believer. So since you are saved already, then what I think God wants you to do is continuing BEING who you are and do your part in the marriage. Nothing else. Be loving.

 

Pray about this and give the situation to God. When you stop trying to control situations and circumstances, you will see more clearly as what your role truly is.  Do you see how your negative feelings are bringing you down and frustrating you so? Well, that is not the way to win someone over to Christ. You must let them decide to accept Christ for their life by letting them see “the light” shining in your life. God wants the believing spouse to be a positive influence on the unbelieving spouse. You can be that positive influence by letting go of the need to control “what your husband does” and “how he behaves”.

 

Believers have a responsibility to the marriage if they are truly living for Christ, as they claim to be. Your example should make it easier for your spouse to believe in and accept Christ. If your example makes the unbelieving spouse confused and misled, they will not see Jesus in you.  Sometimes you might not feel well enough spiritually or emotionally to be a good example for your spouse, and this is why you need to always stay focused on Christ for your own strength and comfort. Then you can use that strength to help the unbelieving spouse find their way to God.

 

Wherefore lift up thy hands which hang down, and the feeble knees; And make straight paths for your feet, lest that which is lame be turned out of the way; but let it rather be healed.

(Hebrews 12:12 KJV)

 

Should you divorce your husband? No, you should not divorce your husband. The last sentence in your email you told me that your husband is “unselfish, caring, and loving”. Well, you must allow those positive character traits outweigh the negative you see in your husband. 

 

You don’t have to accept his gambling, only tolerate it because he is your husband. Can you tell your husband not to gamble anymore? Is that going to lead your husband to Christ? I doubt it. You do not have to accept the cursing only tolerate it because you are his wife and you are married to him. Do you see the difference? You do not have to curse and you do not have to do anything that would go against the will of God. That right there is helping your husband make his way to God.

 

And of course it is perfectly ok to express yourself in a respectful manner about certain things that your husband does, such as gamble and cursing, but can you tell him to stop something that in his eyes is justified? Simple answer, no!

 

If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now they are holy.  (1 Corinthians 7:12-15 KJV)

 

God regards a marriage to be sanctified even if there is only one believing spouse. That means that God has blessed your marriage and hopes it will help (your husband) the unbelieving spouse to receive salvation. Also any children in the home are also blessed because of a believing spouse, until they are old enough to make decisions and decide for themselves.  

 

So you have a BIG job to do for the Lord. Accept it with grace and love and be content in whatever situation you are in, at this time.  

 

You may still be wondering what you can do to encourage your husband to come into the light of Christ with you? Understand that you cannot make anyone do anything that they don’t want to do. All you can do is be true to yourself at all times and in all situations. Continue to walk your talk in life; be a righteous example, not a self-righteous example. Just live who you are? Live what you believe!

  1. Build up your spouse with encouraging words. Find the qualities you appreciate about your spouse and tell them about it.  
  2. Be patient with your spouse. This by far is probably one of the hardest things to do because they may be sinning in some way against the marriage and that can hurt. But remember you are not looking to pull your spouse further away from the light but to bring them into the light by your acts of kindness and consideration. Shine your light. Detach with love from those things that are against God’s standards for living.
  3. Continue to stay faithful to God no matter what. Don’t become tempted with your spouse. The good life is not lived on our own terms but is lived through the power of God and on His standards.
  4. Be joyful and happy knowing that God is with you and He is in control. Never give up!

 

Article Resources:

 

Choosing To Work on Your Marriage

Marriage Take a Giving and Forgiving Attitude

 

 

 

 

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