Ask Angie: I am a Christian since I was
a child but I walked away from the Lord and I lived chaotic time of my
life, but I have repented. I married a man who is an unbeliever one year
ago and he left me three months after we married. He said he did not
love me and I have not seen him again. I do not know where he is... What
can I do? I do not believe in divorce, but I am 30 and I want to have
children and a family. I love my husband and I am depressed.
people said to me that I married without God's will and I cannot ask for
restoration if it was wrong from beginning because I know I disobeyed.
(2 Corinthians 6:14-15 "Do not be yoked together with
unbelievers...”) Then am I condemned to live alone? Will I pay my
rebellion all my life without hope? Cannot I ask for God's mercy and He
wants to restore my marriage? God knows and He can do everything, but
what does God want to do in my case?
Guidance: I’m very sorry that you are suffering
through such a time in your life. The truth is God
wants your marriage to be restored even if you are married to an
true that God wants us to marry in the Lord but that does not mean that
He does not want your marriage restored. God takes marriage very
seriously and He wants your marriage restored. Marriage
is permanent and that means even
if you made the mistake of marry an unbeliever, you are still
married to them for life.
the married I give this command (not I but the Lord). A wife must not
separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or
else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his
wife. (1 Corinthians 7:10)
bible teaches that if we are married to an unbeliever and they are
‘pleased” to stay married then the believer must not divorce him or
her. But if the unbeliever leaves, let them leave because in all
seriousness, what can you do?
if the unbeliever leaves
(such as in your case) let him do so. A believing man or
woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in
people take the above verse as a loophole for divorce, but it is not.
This verse is not talking about divorce it is talking about letting
the unbeliever leave without compromising your own faith. Some
marriages, very few of them, may end up such as this. The believing
spouse must let the unbeliever go, especially if they are sinning
against the marriage in some way. If
the unbeliever insists on leaving, let them leave.
your spouse has abandoned you, you are still married to him or her. If
your spouse won’t stop in their adulterous affair, you are still
married to him or her. If your spouse wants to leave, let them leave.
But even though this may be the case in your situation, you are not free
to remarry because in God’s eyes you are still married to another,
even if they cannot be found or are married to another. Marrying
another, even if you get a state divorce is considered adultery.
said, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another
woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and
marries another man she commits adultery. (Mark 10:10)
asked our ministry if you are condemned to live alone?”
woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband
dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to
the Lord. In my judgment she is happier if she stays as she is—and
I think that I too have the Spirit of God.
(1 Corinthians 7:39)
you are not condemned to
live alone but you might physically live alone if your husband does not
return to the marriage. we always have the peace and contentment from
the Holy Spirit in us. We must pray about it and ask Christ to help us
in our sufferings.
does not condemn us in this world
because we are free to make our own choices. If we choose to marry an
unbeliever there will be consequences to that choice—it has nothing to
do with God condemning us—it has to do with the results
of our actions condemning us. God does not condemn, it is our
actions that do the condemning.
is Love! Our
creator would never do anything to upset a hair on your head, in
fact…God will try and help you to make things right, if you would put
in Him and begin a personal relationship with Him. Our awesome God
is a loving God who only wants what is best for you and for your
wants you to stay married to your husband because someday you
may be able to help your husband become a believer. In the
beginning, and it is the same today, God made marriage for his purpose
and it is set apart for Him and that purpose. God has made marriage holy
even if there is only one believing spouse in the marriage. When two
people become married they become one flesh, which cannot be separated
even by abandonment or divorce.
of looking at this situation as something without hope, look at it with
a different perspective and see what it is you can do to change the
circumstances for yourself for the better. Make the most of your life
now. Take a look at the guidance below and see if you can come up with
ways to better your situation at this time in your life.
What can you do for God while being separated from your husband at this
time? What is God’s will for your life being married but not living
with your husband? Would this be a good time to generate a
closer relationship with Jesus Christ?
What does God want you to do?
God talks a lot about long-suffering,
patience and perseverance—could it be that this is the attitude
you should wear? When we endure suffering and pain as you are at this
time and we do what’s right in the sight of God, it builds character
and makes us stronger in the Lord.
can you help others who are going through similar circumstances as
yourself? Perhaps you can find the needed encouragement to guide other
women who are suffering and give them a glimmer of hope when all looks
so hopeless. Write a book, story, article or essay about your
circumstances and your growth in Jesus. Volunteer your time in what
service God has given you.
Do you have more time to do the things of the Lord
now since you are not busy doing things that a wife and mother must do?
on healing yourself and
finding your comfort and needs through Christ.
The Holy Spirit of Jesus Christ is with you—all you have to do is
accept His truths and follow Him.
that he may come into the Lord and accept Christ for his life.
If your husband does not return and reconcile the marriage,
in what other ways could you surround yourself with children and or
become a mother. Perhaps you could help children who are in need, or you
could adopt a child. Pray about it and trust that God will provide when
He is ready.
asked, “Will I pay for my rebellion all my life without hope?”
you have repented for your disobedience by marrying an unbeliever then
you have been forgiven. So where is the rebellion now? God is not making
you pay for anything. Remember what I said, If we choose to marry an
unbeliever there will be consequences to that choice—it has nothing to
do with God condemning us—it has to do with the results
of our actions condemning us.
asks us to put
our hope in Him. Do you know why? Because when we put our hope in
things of the world we will become discouraged, hopeless, depressed, and
feel needless pain and suffering. But when we our hope is in Him we are
spiritually uplifted, encouraged, and filled with hope. If
you have put your trust in God for your life then you have hope!
those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will sour on
wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and
not be faint. (Isaiah 40:31)
ask, “What does God want to do in my case?”
bible teaches us to be patient and wait
on Him for the guidance and answers we need. Be encouraged knowing
that you can go to God for your comforts and needs because He knows what
you need better than you yourself. Ask God and He will provide.
to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in
heart, and you will find rest for your souls. (Matthew 11:28-29)
~ Marriage Healing Ministry
Angie: I am a woman striving to live a pleasing
life for the Lord, I am also trying to teach my sons to do the same. My
Husband is backslidden and it is very difficult and probably confusing
to my kids because they are being influenced by good and evil. How do I
deal with this?
Guidance: Why or what do you think has caused your
husband to backslide? If you can you may need to eliminate “it” from
your lives. God tells us to literally RUN from temptation because we may
succumb to it overtime. We have a duty as Christians to recognize where
we are the weakest and stay away from those things and people as much as
humanly possible. In fact when we remove our selves from tempting areas
in our life, we are behaving physically and spiritually courageous.
person’s faith may be weak in certain areas if they are unable to not
sin when around people or things that are associated with that weakness.
For example if you are newly
sober you wouldn’t want to socialize in places where alcohol is served
or even hang around with people that over indulge themselves with
alcohol. Run from it!! Be spiritually and physically courageous and
the same way if your spouse is addicted
to shopping you wouldn’t want to hand them the check book either.
If your spouse is addicted to porn you may want to get rid of the
families computers until healing takes place. In the same way, if your
spouse is rebellious
to Christ’s marriage commands you wouldn’t want them to be
associating with unbelievers who will only continue to sway their faith
and trust in God for your marriage.
is difficult for a true believer to backslide once they have already
given their life to God; unless of course, they only think
they have given their life to the Lord. Or
they have stopped acting on God’s principles for their life. One
way to know for sure is to look for the fruits. Were there blessings
before your husband backslid and now they are gone? True believers trust
their whole being with God and will have abundant blessings enter
their lives because of that trust. We have to continually seek out
God’s will for our lives because God knows what is best for us in all
areas of our life.
you think that friends, work associates, or extended family are
discouraging your husband from seeking the Lord? Amazingly friends and
family can discourage us from following the Lord because they aren’t
walking in the Lord themselves. Hanging
around with the wrong people can get us into trouble. You would
think it only happens with kids, but adults too, can fall away or turn
aside from God if they are not careful.
does it mean to backslide? Backsliding means you have
become unfaithful in your actions somehow. A person who backslides is no
longer living consistent with his or her beliefs.
Instead of putting your faith and trust with God you have chosen
to put your trust in self. Many Christians are deceived
daily by worldly affairs, events and interactions that take them off
guard and away from the Lord. They think they are doing something
good and right, but if
it is not of God then it is of the world and in the long run can make us
sin and walk in error. Great discernment is needed here.
who move away from their faith in the Lord, for whatever reason, are in
serious trouble and need to repent. Scripture urges Christians to help
backsliders return to God. “My
brothers, if one of you should wander from the Truth and someone should
bring him back remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of
his way will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins”.
you want to strive to do what’s right? Pray for your
husband. By praying for your husband and acting in love it is possible
for you to bring your husband back to God and into Christ’s
forgiveness. “Again I
tell you if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for it will
be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come
together in my name, there
am I with them”. (Matthew 18:19-20)
good example and good works
will always prevail over sin. Children are a lot more aware and prone to
doing right than we sometimes give them credit for. Children understand
between right and wrong at a young age. If one parent has backslidden it
is up to the faithful parent to tactfully talk to them about how this
may have happened. When talking about the issue at hand don’t focus so
much on the negative aspect of the sin but what you can do together to
help the backslider come back to God.
not falter in your own faith because of the sins of your spouse. Ask God
to give you strength to do what is right and continue to be the main
spiritual example for your children—they will benefit greatly from
your good actions in the Lord. Pray
for your husband with your children—that is a good example for
encouraging to your husband and let him see you and the children
studying the bible together and singing and praising the Lord every day!
(Psalm 147:7) Continue
to stay faithful to God no matter what. Live God’s Word through
your actions. God’s word is not only something we read, but something
we must do every single
day! Christ Ones must LIVE the Word in their actions. Belief, faith, and
trust must have hands and feet.
then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in
him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were
taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. See to it that no one takes
you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on
human tradition and the basic principles of this worlds rather than on
Christ”. (Colossians 2:6-8)
Angie and Frank
Marriage Healing Ministry
Angie: I am saved and married to an
unsaved husband who isn't even trying to walk with the Lord...it's very
frustrating...he makes horrible decisions that affect me and our
children...decisions that he could get into legal trouble...I'm trying
to stay positive about being married to him but honestly feeling that
it's not going to get any better...only worse...what can I do? How can I
still love God and deal with an unsaved husband who just won't do right?
Should I divorce him? I know that God hates divorce but how do I stay
married to a man who's lifestyle contradicts mine...he curses, gambles,
and so many other things that are not godly but he's also loving, caring
Guidance: God’s ideal for
marriage is for couples to stay together – even if one spouse is an
unbeliever. Your first
priority as a believer is to love God and do His will…then you will be
able to appreciate your husband in a more loving way. God’s will is
for you to do nothing but be a loving and respectful wife. The more we
go by our own understanding and try to change others and control
outcomes, the more they will rebel against us. God has put you just
where He wants you to be. God has a purpose for marriage situations such
as this. Understand that “YOU” are the center of that purpose.
know what you are thinking. You think it sounds contradictory to treat
an unbeliever with kindness and love. But in actuality it is the BEST
way to bring the unbeliever to accept Christ for their life. You win
people to Christ by being LOVE and behaving in LOVING ways. Period!
best thing you can do is UNDERSTAND what your role is as being (the)
believer in the marriage. God wishes the believing spouse to be a loving
example to try and win the unbeliever to Christ. The fact that your
husband is unsaved is not something you can control - your only
responsibility is be as supportive and loving to your husband as you
possibly can. That is God’s will for your life as a believer. So since
you are saved already, then what I think God wants you to do is
continuing BEING who you are and do your part in the marriage. Nothing
else. Be loving.
about this and give the situation to God. When you stop trying to
control situations and circumstances, you will see more clearly as what
your role truly is. Do you
see how your negative feelings are bringing you down and frustrating you
so? Well, that is not the way to win someone over to Christ. You must
let them decide to accept Christ for their life by letting them see
“the light” shining in your life. God wants the believing spouse to
be a positive influence on the unbelieving spouse. You can be that
positive influence by letting go of the need to control “what your
husband does” and “how he behaves”.
have a responsibility to the marriage if they are truly living for
Christ, as they claim to be. Your example should make it easier for your
spouse to believe in and accept Christ. If your example makes the
unbelieving spouse confused and misled, they will not see Jesus in you.
Sometimes you might not feel well enough spiritually or emotionally to
be a good example for your spouse, and this is why you need to always
stay focused on Christ for your own strength and comfort. Then you can
use that strength to help the unbelieving spouse find their way to God.
lift up thy hands which hang down, and the feeble knees;
And make straight paths for your feet, lest that which is lame be turned
out of the way; but let it rather be healed.
you divorce your husband? No, you should not divorce your husband. The
last sentence in your email you told me that your husband is
“unselfish, caring, and loving”. Well, you must allow those positive
character traits outweigh the negative you see in your husband.
don’t have to accept his gambling, only tolerate it because he is your
husband. Can you tell your husband not to gamble anymore? Is that going
to lead your husband to Christ? I doubt it. You do not have to accept
the cursing only tolerate it because you are his wife and you are
married to him. Do you see the difference? You do not have to curse and
you do not have to do anything that would go against the will of God.
That right there is helping your husband make his way to God.
of course it is perfectly ok to express yourself in a respectful manner
about certain things that your husband does, such as gamble and cursing,
but can you tell him to stop something that in his eyes is justified?
Simple answer, no!
any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell
with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an
husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let
her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the
wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were
your children unclean; but now they are holy.
(1 Corinthians 7:12-15 KJV)
regards a marriage to be sanctified even if there is only one believing
spouse. That means that God has blessed your marriage and hopes it
will help (your husband) the unbelieving spouse to receive salvation.
Also any children in the home are also blessed because of a believing
spouse, until they are old enough to make decisions and decide for
you have a BIG job to do for the Lord. Accept it with grace and love and
be content in whatever situation you are in, at this time.
may still be wondering what you can do to encourage your husband to come
into the light of Christ with you? Understand that you cannot make
anyone do anything that they don’t want to do. All you can do is be
true to yourself at all times and in all situations. Continue to walk
your talk in life; be a righteous example, not a self-righteous example.
Just live who you are? Live what you believe!
up your spouse with encouraging words. Find the qualities you
appreciate about your spouse and tell them about it.
patient with your spouse. This by far is probably one of the hardest
things to do because they may be sinning in some way against the
marriage and that can hurt. But remember you are not looking to pull
your spouse further away from the light but to bring them into the
light by your acts of kindness and consideration. Shine your light.
Detach with love from those things that are against God’s
standards for living.
to stay faithful to God no matter what. Don’t become tempted with
your spouse. The good life is not lived on our own terms but is
lived through the power of God and on His standards.
joyful and happy knowing that God is with you and He is in control.
Never give up!
To Work on Your Marriage
Take a Giving and Forgiving Attitude