How to Prepare For a Rock Solid Marriage
                        Love VS. Feelings of Lust and Desire
                    Home

Emotional / Sexual Purity

Do You Have Self-Control to Just say "No"?

Emotional Purity Before Marriage?

Healthy Sexuality

7 Reasons Why You Should Remain a Virgin until Married

What is God's Purpose for Sex

Is it Love or Lust?

Love is a Learned Experience

Is it Infatuation or is it Love?

Principled Acts of Love


Samson's Lust Deceived Him

Angie's Marriage Column
Rushing into Marriage Unprepared

Pressures from Society

Light Porn Advertised Everywhere!

Getting Married NOT Prepared


The Skinny on Teenage Body Image


Are You Stuck in the Snowball of Conformity?


How Samson Lusted After Delilah

  Don't be like Samson

Lust as described by scripture is an inappropriate and excessive desire or craving for something that preoccupies our mind and actions. When a person becomes preoccupied with lust and desire until it affects their perspective on everything else around them there is a problem. Dating relationships among young people are often ruled by emotional and sexual desires that fuel into addiction later on in life. 

When a young spiritually immature mind believes it is ok to have sex before marriage, or even if they don't, but have not been taught to respect the opposite sex, they will have sex before marriage. This is what dating is. This starts the validation to have sex with others, to view naked people having sex, and to think on sexual things when they should be thinking on more important things for their growing up years.

You are God’s creation—he did not make you to look upon another with lust in your eyes, but many have chosen that for their life. How many young men respect the young women around them? It's not wrong to appreciate a beautiful woman or man but what makes it wrong is when we look to receive (disrespect) something from that beauty because we think it belongs to us. How selfish is that?! At this point it becomes lust and wrong desire. These desires can cause many emotional problems for young people and those who are thinking of getting married. 

How Samson Got Caught Up in Lust

Have you ever read or heard about the story of Samson and Delilah? (Judges 16:4-31) Read Judges to find out for yourself. Here is my short recap.

Samson thought Delilah could do no wrong—he couldn’t see her for the woman she really was—wicked and evil. Samson was burning with passion for her, but Delilah deceived Samson more than once. Samson was in lust and desire for Delilah and she took advantage of his feelings and betrayed the secret of his strength to the Philistines and consequently he died.

Delilah was a deceitful woman with honey on her lips and poison in her heart. But because of his desire and lust he brought on his own death by trusting in her lies! He believed the lies that Delilah loved him and wanted him. Samson caved in over and over again because he was continually deceived by her beauty and passionate words. Samson's own blindness allowed himself to be deceived. 

This is the same way that young people today become deceived to open themselves up with each other sexually and emotionally. 

So why did I mention this story?

It is the same way with any lustful desire or sexual craving—whether it is porn addiction, adultery, fornication, or other sexual sins. Lust destroys “who you are”! (she/he will prey upon your life). Lust will deceive you into believing the lies you hear from the world. You will get caught up in the lies and your perspective will change about everything else around you.

Although Samson was very strong and could even strangle a lion, he could not smother his burning lust and see Delilah for who she really was—wicked and evil! Every time you view another person with thoughts of lust, view lustful images, commit fornication and other sexual sins, you are being deceived and defrauded into believing the lies of the world. 

DECIDE WHO YOU ARE

Are you a child of God or a part of the godlessness of society? You can conquer wrong attitudes about sexuality by not letting it control your perspective on the world around you. Dating is the beginning of wrong thinking and attitude about the opposite sex. It creates disrespect with oneself as well as for others. It degrades the perfect union of man and wife as "one flesh".  The bible does not mention dating because it was non-existent.

The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light. Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in orgies or drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissention and jealousy. Rather clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature. (Romans 13:12-14)

What Does The Bible Say About Fornication (lust)?


Proverbs 6:25
Romans 1:26
1 Thessalonians 4:5
1 Peter 4:3
1 John 2:16
Galatians 5:24
Titus 2:11-12
Ephesians 2:3-6
2 Timothy 2:22
James 4:1-4
1 Corinthians 6:13
1 Corinthians 6:18-20
Hebrews 13:4

Who are you? If you say that you are a child of God then you have to trust in Jesus Christ with your life! Why are you trusting in created things? How does sin happen? First people reject God and then they make up their own idea of what they think their God should be. But later, because their God is an invented God, they sin. Sexual sin, greed, lust, addiction, hatred, murder, deceit, strife, covetousness, these are all sins that we fall into when we reject God. You have to choose.  

Copyright 2010 Heaven Ministries ~ Angie Lewis  

Angie’s Marriage Column ~ 
March 10, 2010

Rushing into Marriage NOT Prepared

Ask Angie: Dear Angie I’m a 20 year female that got married and having regrets about it, what do I do? The 14th of March makes it a year and infidelity has already taken place? Trusting him is the last thing I can do right now. I tried praying about it and that does not seem to be working and if it is I’m having a hard time realizing it. I have no one to talk to about the way I’m feeling so I’m HOPING you can help me out because I’m 2 seconds away from saying "I want out" Please right back I’m in need of help!

Marriage Guidance: You’re not the only one who has felt the way you do and you are not the only one who has rushed into marriage unprepared. The sad truth is you did not know the man you married when you married him and he probably did not know you either. Answer this: Would you have married him if you would have known that he would be committing adultery less than a year into your marriage?

This is why we have created a new ministry so we can help prepare young Christian couples today “start off” with a healthy marriage based on God’s design. Your predicament is nothing new. We have been writing about this issue for years!

People are rushing into marriage as if they were dating. In other words we have this dating attitude, which is based on desire and lust feelings, not love and is the same attitude that about 85% of couples walk into when they marry—and they don’t know it because they were never taught to know any different.

We grow up thinking it is normal to give away our heart, mind and body away to every single person that we date and this is where the trouble begins. The Christian culture advocates dating these days and sees nothing wrong with it, but there is a lot wrong with it!!

When you first met and married your husband you desired and loved him greatly, didn’t you? All you cared about was being with him and being his wife and to have that classic Cinderella and Prince charming marriage and romance. But you guys have barely been married a year and your prince is out gallivanting around and you are ready to leave the marriage. What went wrong? How can young Christian people today keep from making the same mistake?

BE PREPARED!

Do you know how many times women have told me that their husbands are “not in love” with them anymore or how many times that a wife has said she is not in love with her husband anymore? It is amazing. “Uho, I don’t have those feelings of sexual and emotional desire anymore, time to move on and find another spouse. Wuh? Uh? STOP RIGHT THERE!

Ironically, it is arranged marriages that are based on commitment and those couples, who at first, have no feelings for one another at all that usually end up staying married. The husband and wife learn to love one another. Of course this is not true in all arranged marriages but many end up being healthy marriages.

Sincere love for a person takes our actions—it’s not something you feel at all but rather something that you do. Going into marriage unprepared and basing our actions on feelings rather than principle and commitment will ALWAYS get couples in trouble with their marriage.

Not surprising at all, the US has the highest divorce rate in the world. We all know why that is, right? Rushing into marriage—marrying the wrong person—not knowing whom we are marrying and Godlessness. Check out this eye-opening chart on divorce rates all over the world. http://www.nationmaster.com/graph/peo_
div_rat-people-divorce-rate

Who Did You Marry?

Dating and all of the whirlwind romance that goes along with dating keeps young people from seeing the person they truly married. They let their emotions rule every aspect of the relationship and they become so captivated and impassioned by this person that they do not care if they have the same values and beliefs as they do—they do not care if they are incompatible—they do not care if they have been married before—they do not care if they drink too much or whatever it is… they don’t care about a lot of things they should be caring about when seeking a suitable marriage spouse. 

Not until after getting married and weird stuff like adultery start happening do couples really see the person that they married. Sadly, this is what has happened to you, and to you, and to you, and to you…who did you marry?

But God hates divorce!! And you do want to work on the marriage and love your spouse, right? So then lets do it!

Marriage without God is like apple pie without apples

The Master Designer of marriage needs to be the strength that holds up the marriage when the winds come. Strong winds will come and beat upon your house and try to tear it down—you can bet on it. In fact it is happening to you right now. What are you going to do about it?

Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against the house, yet it did not fall, because it has its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine, and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. The rains came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against the house, and it fell with a great crash.(Matthew 7:24-27)

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I know what it is like to be a young married woman. It may seem like the end of the world right now, but it is not. You can both learn from this experience and be better marriage spouses to each other.

You can have a happy, healthy and blessed marriage for the rest of your life. But God must be the center of your marriage. You can have him at the center of your marriage when you put all of your ducks in a row. In other words when you have your priorities in order. Your marriage has not crashed yet, it only needs a better foundation than the one it is on now. So, rebuild the cornerstones of your house on the Rock of God’s loving guidance and care.

Believers absolutely must have their priorities in order…

For the husband priorities are to be:
1.God/Christ
2.Wife, family
3.Fellow man/ministry
4.Self

For the wife priorities are to be:
1.God/Christ
2.Husband, family
3.Fellow man/ministry
4.Self

Please read this marriage column with your spouse. Your husband needs to repent, seek forgiveness and start loving his wife properly!! We repent because we need Christ’s forgiveness we need to ask Him to give us a new heart and mind in Him. You need to do the same. Just because we have not committed sins such as adultery does not mean we are not in need of Christ’s forgiveness and guidance in our life—we are all sinners!

Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whosoever wants to save his life will lose it. but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his life?” Matthew 16:24-26)

We cannot deny our selfish ways and become new people in Christ until we understand the full scope of God’s forgiveness and love for us. (Ephesians 2:4-7) We must be willing to trust God and believe that what God says for us is true so we may live our lives according to His will and purpose for our lives. “And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.” (Hebrews 11:6)

If your husband has repented and ready to love his wife in the ways of the Lord, then there are several ways to bring back trust in the marriage. Here are just a few. Circumstances are different for every marriage.

1. Husband should be willing to allow wife to call him (not on cell phone) anytime at work.

2. Husband should be willing to give up nights out with buddies or take his wife with him, if she wants to go.

3. Husband should verbally be willing to tell his wife that on that day he was faithful. Take each day one day at a time. He should do this every night before they both go to sleep. This way she hears him say that he was faithful and it is reassuring. If there is ever a time that he is not faithful, he won’t be able to say that he is.

4. Husband should be willing to call his wife from work and let her know that he is on his way home from work.

Do not let doubt and disbelief from the world keep you from seeking God for your marriage. Don’t listen to what family and friends tell you to do because most of the time they are in error also. And remember, “God does not live in temples made my man”. If you reach out to Him you will find Him. “For in him we live and move and have our being, as some of you poets have said, we are his offspring.” (Acts 17:24, 27) We are to worship, love, and praise God in Spirit and in Truth. (John 4:24)

When a spouse commits adultery it is very difficult to trust again so coming into the Lord together and being accountable for your actions is a must. If God is not at the top of your priority list than accountability will not work? If we just go through the motions of repentance and really not want to give up our selfish lifestyle then you can also forget about the marriage staying up for long after a few mild winds blow. God doesn’t want your words, He wants your actions—He wants your hands and feet.

LOVE MUST BE SINCERE

Love must be principled actions. You are not on your first date anymore; you’re married and marriage takes responsibility and loving actions based on Christ himself. Sex without commitment is meaningless!! Remember that next time you feel the need for some recognition from the opposite sex. Infidelity hurts marriage so much that many times couples cannot stand up under the pressure.

Fortunately by utilizing the power of God in your marriage you can pick yourselves back up and grow and learn from it. If a man or woman truly loves another and are committed to the marriage, they will not commit adultery or anything that would emotionally or physically harm their spouse. How do I know this? Sincere love comes from God. Only through Him do we have the capability to love others properly. Humans are incapable of sincere love without the intervention of the Holy Spirit within them.

Does all this sound confusing to you? Well don’t let it be. In fact, it is pretty straightforward.

Jesus died for your sins.
He lives in you in Spirit.
Jesus wants to be your friend because He loves you.
He wants to be your best friend because He knows that you need Him.
The wisest thing you both can do is to be best friends with Jesus.
Let Jesus lead your heart and mind in your marriage.
Jesus will show you how to love like He loves.

Right now your marriage may be crashing because you are basing it on selfishness. Selfishness comes from the world. The world is so needy and loveless that nothing good will ever come from it. Christians MUST come out from the world and be united with Jesus Christ in His kingdom—the Kingdom of Heaven—the Holy Spirit within you.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28)

Jesus frees us from our burdens, sins, addictions, negative emotions, oppression, and the weariness of the world. Jesus promises us love, healing and peace with God. Did you know that having a growing relationship with God creates positive change in us because as we grow with Him we become more like Him? Believers learn to be spiritually productive and bring purpose into their lives. It is only then that we realize how meaningless life is without knowing or having God’s love.  “For everything in the world—the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.” (1 John 2:16-17)

We’ll always have worldly temptations around us no matter what we do or where we go but, if we become best friends with Jesus He will help us to bear up under the pressure of temptation in society. (1 Corinthians 10:13) And we become stronger people in the Lord.

Your Marriage Belongs to God

The state did not create and establish marriage—it was God’s idea. Adam needed a helpmeet and God gave him one and they became one flesh. (Genesis 3:24) Therefore if your marriage is crashing you need to RE-commit yourselves to each other based on God’s design not on the world’s design.

Your both need to work at being the husband and wife that God meant for you to be through studying His Word daily.  Our book healing from Adultery –Adultery Pandemic will give you the encouragement and biblical application you need to get you both on the right track to work on healing yourselves and restoring the marriage to God.

Personal healing takes place when we realize and decide to let God takeover. If we don’t understand who we are in Christ we certainly cannot place God first in our lives. But this is what couples need to do for personal healing and restoration of the marriage. Go to the wives area for healing Go to the husband’s area for healing.

Heaven Ministries has tons of free materials for encouraging you in your marriage from ebooks to newsletters and from books to articles. Read the information together, print out the articles that are pertinent to your particular concern and study them with your bible in hand. Don’t let the winds blow your house down, do something about it, today! Work together, encouraging one another. Make God the most important aspect of your life and watch your marriage be blessed with abundance.

In Christ,
Angie and Frank
Heaven Ministries ~ Marriage Healing Ministry
http://www.heavenministries.com

Heaven Ministries ~ Scriptural Romance in Preparation to Marriage
Http://www.heavenministries.org

 

 

Copyright © 2010 - 2014 Heaven Ministries ~ Scriptural Romance in Preparation to Marriage
http://www.heavenministries.org

Copyright © 2002 - 2014 Heaven Ministries ~ Marriage Healing Ministry
http://www.heavenministries.com