Listen to the words “matchmaking”. How often is
someone really matched up with a compatible partner? Dating and
matchmaking websites are for those people who are putting their trust in
those mediums rather than in God.
For the sincere Christian matchmaking
online websites don't make sense. They go against everything that God
has planned for the Christian person. Loneliness and fear often lead
people to patronize these social networking sites looking for companionship
and love, but many times these sites don't offer anything of the sort.
If you are a true believer
you should be trusting in God for
your emotional needs rather than patronizing online matchmaking websites? God
does hear your prayers and He will answer them on His time and in the
way He feels is right for you and your life.
one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all
kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being
hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our
Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had
done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of
rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit. (Titus 3:3-5)
do you think God's will is for you and your emotional uncertainties?
Scripture clearly explains to us that God would like for us to go to Him
with our fears and anxious heart. If we are in God we will have NOTHING
to fear because God will make our hearts be at peace with our life,
whether we are single or not.
you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but
you received a Spirit of sonship. And by Him we cry, "Abba
Father." (Romans 8:15)
Believe me, God certainly
does not want you to make the mistake of finding your soul mate online.
most of the time a person does not even
know who they are talking with. People can lie, and tell you all kinds
of things to reel you in, and then later you become disappointed big time
because he or she is not what you expected. Why do this to
Scripture suggests to stop worrying about being single and
stop the struggle within yourself to find a spouse today and tomorrow.
Wait on God by giving it to
God. Trust in God for your needs and pray about it daily.
Really Ready For a
Relationship and or Marriage?
Are you even
ready for marriage or for a relationship? Here it what has been revealed
to us through the scriptures. If you aren't ready to make a commitment
to marriage then you are not ready for a intimate relationship.
Why You Aren't Ready For a Relationship or Marriage
You’re Lonely – Did you know that we
make ourselves feel lonely by the thoughts we tell ourselves? Loneliness
is a feeling that fades when we occupy ourselves with activities we love
and when we make our relationship with God grow stronger.
Trust in God and He will provide you with everything you need.
He said to his disciples,
"Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?" (Mark
You Feel Needy and Insecure – If you feel
that a relationship is going to take care of your needs or you want to
feel more confident about yourself through someone else, then think
Only God can provide the
emotional encouragement through His Words of Love and His Holy Spirit to
make us feel secure and at peace with ourselves.
You’re Desperate for Love - Feelings only
make us think we are desperate. We may see all of our friends with
romantic relationships and think we want the same thing, but if we get
close to God and pray about it, He will stop our anxiousness and allow
us to “Be Still” and wait on Him.
Unhappy – Happiness is NEVER found through
others—it is only found from within. What ways, besides getting
involved in an emotional relationship can you provide yourself with
happiness? I can think of ten ways right off the top of my head and so
You’re Younger Than Nineteen – Preparation
for marriage means wisdom and knowledge in the Lord. Make sure that you
know exactly what you are getting into when you decide to get married.
Your faith and trust in God will make the most difference to your
preparedness for marriage? Are you really ready?
It may seem like God is
trying to keep people from having relationships but that is not the case
at all. God's will is for you to have many relationships in the Lord.
Online dating and social networking sites are not in the Lord, but
in the world. Sincere Christians are not to be unevenly yoked with
God wants His people to find
romance with the one they will marry. Romance without love and commitment
out what God's plan is for your romantic life see our new Ebook on
Scriptural Romance and Godly Courtship.
Most of us have grown up
thinking that dating is normal and something that people do to meet
others for the possibility of marriage. The Christian culture of today
promotes dating, but it wasn’t always so. “Dating” is not
scriptural and in fact, scripture clearly reveals the opposite of the
dating attitude when meeting people for relationships and possible
marriage. Let’s take a look why dating is not for the sincere
Leads to Sex But Not Commitment
Dating most often leads to
sex and then eventual heartbreak. Dating hurts young people because it
is a false sense of hope that almost always leads to emotional heartache
and physical impurity. With dating the risk of having sexual
relations with a person you really don’t know is paramount. I
say risk because sex means nothing without love and commitment.
Think about it. For the sincere Christian dating should be out of the
question, don’t you think?
Defrauds (fornication) One Another’s Body
For the Christian each time
they have sex with a new person they are being defrauded and you are
defrauding the other person as well. God’s desire for sincere
Christian people is not to have sex (fornication) before marriage. It is
a sin just like adultery is a sin. Scripture clearly and plainly says
that young Christian people are not to defraud one another sexually or
emotionally—they are to be different than the gentiles who do not know
1 Thessalonians 4:3-7
“For this is the will of
God, even your sanctification (set apart), that ye should abstain from
That every one of you should
know how to possess his vessel (body) in sanctification and honour.
Not in the lust of
concupiscence, even as the gentiles which know not God.
That no man go beyond
(arouse sexual lust in another) and defraud his brother in any
matter: because the Lord is the avenger of such, as we also have
forewarned you and testified.”
the “Attraction and Desire Feelings” for Love
How often have you desired
someone so much that you thought you were “in love” with them. You
were so attached to them emotionally with your feelings that you thought
they were “the one” for you? This happens all the time with
Christian people. They get married and think they will live happily ever
after. But wait! What happens when the feelings of desire and lust are
gone, then what? I’ll tell you what. Couples are unhappy in their
marriage and commit infidelities of all kinds. Their whole marriage was
based on FEELINGS rather than LOVE. This is not God’s will for the
Dating Skips the
Friendship/Respect Stage of a Relationship
The Knight in shining armor
comes prancing through the door. The lovely princess is the most
breathtaking beauty you have ever seen. What happens next based on these
ga-ga feelings? Couples give away their hearts, their minds, theirs
souls, and their bodies to each other based on sexual feelings. They
defraud one another through stealing emotions and bodies that do not
belong to them.
Sex means nothing without
love and commitment. How well do couples really know the person they
are getting intimate with? God’s plan for young people is to love one
another as brothers and sisters in the Lord and build friendships based
on respect, not sex. Your body and mind belong to God. Sex is reserved for the
marriage bed. The sexual, intimate, emotional bonding of two people in
the Lord is the “one flesh” of marriage.
“Flee from sexual
immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he
who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your
body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have
received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a
price (Christ’s death). Therefore honor God with your body.” (1
You From Others
Once the emotional bond
begins neither party cares about anyone else. Throughout the day when
away from each other, they only want to be with each other and are on
cloud nine in the thoughts and imaginings of what the other is doing. In
respect to the people who really matter in their life such as parents,
relatives and real friendships, they are all put on hold while the
couple waits in eager anticipation of when they will meet up again
sexually and emotionally with one another.
goodness they will certainly feel a lot of pain and heartache when one
of them breaks off the relationship.
People From What Really Matters
Dating, because of its sexual
and emotional intentions distracts Christian people from what is really
important for them. Namely, God and preparing for their future in the
Lord. They are so focused on the happenings of each other that nothing
else matters to them, not even staying pure for God and marriage. It is
God’s will that young Christian people who are sincere in the Lord,
put their feelings on hold and not allow themselves to be pressured into
emotional relationships without commitment.
Each Other From Seeing True Character
This is exactly what happened
to biblical Samson. (Read
the story here). He couldn’t see through his own passionate lust
to see that Delilah was only using him. In the end his lustful desires
cost him his life. Delilah’s true character was that of being a
deceitful woman who only cared about herself.
“Do not lust in your heart
after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes, for the
prostitute reduces you to a loaf of bread, and the adulteress preys upon
your very life” Proverbs 6:25
It works the other way around
to. Young Christian women can also be deceived by men who say they are a
believer in Jesus Christ when they really are not—this has happened
before. Don’t let your passions and desires deceive you and not see
someone’s true character. Be patient and ask God to help you recognize
someone’s true character. Eventually fruit of the Spirit will
be apparent, or maybe not.
Christians For Divorce
Why society got the notion
that dating prepares people for marriage, I have no clue. But somehow
through the ages, people believe that “dating” is how you get to
know someone and in some instances advocate having sex before marriage
to see if couples are compatible in that way. This is preposterous!
I’ll tell you what has been
revealed to me through scripture and from our marriage
healing website, which we have counseled couples for several years:
Dating prepares people to rely on their emotions. When the passions and
desires die down couples just get a divorce and find a new mate.
“They said to you, “In
the last times (today’s culture) there will be scoffers who will
follow their own ungodly desires.” These are the men who divide you,
who follow mere natural instincts and do not have the Spirit.
But you, dear friends, build
yourselves up in your most holy faith and pray in the Holy Spirit. Keep
yourselves in God’s love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus
Christ to bring you to eternal life.” (Jude 18:21)
Takes Christians Away From What is Right and Pure in the Lord
Do you understand now why God
forbids fornication? When our emotions get so caught up with worldly
pleasures, such as dating, God is not important to us anymore and we
begin to rebel and scoff at Him and His commands for our lives. God
wants young people to place Him as the most important aspect of their
life so they can base their life actions from that relationship.
“Flee the evil desires of
youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those
who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. (2 Timothy 2:22)
For the Christian to have a great marriage
means to have a great relationship with Jesus Christ. You must be
willing to serve and care for your spouse even more than you care for
yourself. This attitude of service in both the husband and the wife will
allow for the marriage to prosper and flourish with blessings.
God did not sanctify (set apart) marriage
for spouses to be selfish with one another. Good grief, no! Marriage was
created and instituted for God’s purpose—your marriage belongs to
God. Marriage is a living symbol of the relationship between Christ and
As a Christian if you believe that you are
ready to care for and commit your life to another in the “ways of the
Lord” then the next step is to find friendships in the Lord and wait
on God. Be still with your emotions. Don’t let your emotions rule the
relationship. That means you have to get dating and the attitudes that
are associated with dating completely out of your mind. Dating is not
for the sincere Christian to partake in.
Find Friends With Common Interests and
God will make aware to you, if you are
“still” with your emotions, a suitable man or woman in the Lord.
Christian single people should not have intimate attachments with others
(date), but rather they should search for like-minded Friendships in the
Lord through common interests and beliefs.
These common interests might be a church
activity, sporting event, school function, musical concert, project or hobbyists event,
or a community play; etcetera. At this event you can meet other
Christian people that share in the same interest as you. Then you can
become friends with them because of that common interest, not because of
anything else, such as receiving something from them.
This friendship should not progress to
anything further than getting to know each other based on respect. In
other words, your feelings for this person do not lead and control your
actions but rather follow your actions, where they are kept in check.
Be Discerning With Your Friendships
You should be very discerning with any
friendships you would like to pursue further and possibly for a marriage
candidate. Carefully examining a persons character is something a smart
Christian will do before allowing the progression of any relationship to
be more than just casual friends.
The main goal in any new friendship is not
to allow your feelings to control the relationship. Keep God always your
main focus as the relationship develops.
If you feel that you are unable to keep your emotions in check
for this person then you must pray about it and ask God to give you the
direction you need.
Be Still With Your Emotions
Be still with your emotions and wait on
God. God will certainly let you know if this person is the one to make a
lifelong commitment with. The only time you should allow your emotions
to take over and give your heart to another is “after” you have made
the commitment to marry and are betrothed (engaged).
God wants young people to remain emotionally
pure before marriage just as He wishes them to remain sexually pure.
Mary and Joseph were betrothed for a couple of years before they
actually got married but they both knew that soon they would be married
and because of that they most likely gave each their hearts.
Sexual intimacy should be reserved for the
big wedding day. This is God’s will for the sincere Christian. I
don’t think you will ever regret saving yourself for the man or woman
you will spend a lifetime caring for and loving. It
is the way of the Lord and many blessings will surely come your